


Honey & Cinnamon

by yumetourou



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: 2park, Angst, Drug Use, Established Relationship, M/M, Mafia AU, Onghwang, References to Drugs, Violence, Winkdeep, but not really, jinhwi, mafia, sorry for clickbait, winkdeep agenda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-04-24 12:33:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 32,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14355612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yumetourou/pseuds/yumetourou
Summary: Bae Jinyoung, a young and ruthless mafia boss, strikes fear into the hearts of the public at the mention of his name. Park Jihoon, the son of a murdered drug dealer, and his master plan.Mafia AU in which Jihoon sets out to kill Bae Jinyoung, but encounters problems along the way.





	1. The Idea

**Author's Note:**

> so... this may seem similar to another mafia AU out there... and maybe (just maybe) it's inspired by that one.
> 
> okay it totally is. this is 100% inspired by juujuu's "All the King's Men" so please check it out if you haven't already. I apologize in advance if there are similarities with my and juujuu's stories, I tried to make them as different as possible while still maintaining the mafia AU. 
> 
> oddly enough, I found planning this easier while listening to the Kimi no Nawa soundtrack so reading it while listening to that may make it better even if the stories are completely different.
> 
> this is my first fic and first time I've written a story in almost two years, so any and all feedback is welcome!
> 
> and one last thing, a bit of self promo. if you came here from my twitter then you can disregard this part, but if you haven't and are interested in getting to know me then pop over to user BAEJINIST on twitter dot com. I also have some writing on there if you enjoy social media/texting AUs.
> 
> anyways onto the story! I hope you enjoy and thank you for supporting me! sorry for any typos, I'm writing this late and may have not caught all of them!

 "I am going to kill Bae Jinyoung." Determination flashed in Jihoon's eyes.

"You are going to not do that." Woojin shouted from across the room.

"Hear me out this time." Jihoon was used to his ideas being shot down by Woojin. Sure, sometimes (Woojin would say all the time) he had crazy ones, but they weren't ALL bad. Plus, this time he had done his research. Before Woojin could argue, Jihoon began talking about his plan. "I've been doing my research and it turns out that San Sung Pa isn't that difficult to join - just a simple initiation task - so I was thinking-"

"You're not joining the Korean mafia."

"-of joining and getting close to him that way." Jihoon just registered what Woojin had said to him in between his rush of words and his face fell. He stared at the floor in disappointment. Every time he had an idea this happened. In his peripheral, he saw Woojin sit beside him and he felt a hand on his back. "Woojin, I need to do this. For dad."  Jihoon bit back tears. It had been years but the memory of his father's death still stung. His father's death at the hands of Bae Jinyoung . Yes his father may have been only a drug dealer, but he was Jihoon's only family up until his death. Woojin wrapped his arms around Jihoon to comfort him.

"Jihoon, it's not safe. Just because you have a few weapons doesn't make you invincible and just beacuse you kill a criminal doesn't mean you can't get charged for it."

"I don't care if I get charged. I don't care if I go to prison for life. I need to do this." Jihoon was hell bent on going through with this, whether Woojin approved or not. He had to. "I'll have my phone with me so I can talk to you, and I can tape a recorder inside my jacket so we can submit evidence against other members after I kill him. I promise I'll stay safe." Jihoon looked at Woojin, pleading with his eyes. He would get his way this time. Woojin sighed in defeat.

"You're not going to give this up, are you?" Jihoon shook his head. "Fine. I'll agree if you promise to stay in contact with me the entire time." Jihoon's face lit up and he threw his arms around Woojin, kissing his cheeks.

"Thank you so much Woojin. I love you." Woojin couldn't help but laugh at Jihoon's excitement about infiltrating South Korea's most dangerous gang and killing their leader. This boy had to be crazy to come up with a plan like that. Woojin kissed Jihoon's forehead in response.

"I love you too."

-

As Jihoon was walking towards the location he researched, he couldn't help but miss Woojin. They had been friends since they were children and eventually started dating in high school which progressed to their current living situation that consisted of a shared one bedroom apartment. They had never been apart for much longer than a week. Jihoon anticipated his plan taking months, maybe even years, and was preparing to be away for a long time. He turned the corner and walked into a dark bar, the music blaring. He could feel the bass in his stomach and the neon lights burned his eyes, but he kept searching for his way into San Sung Pa. He spotted him, Hwang Minhyun, sitting in the corner with about seven empty shot glasses on the table beside him. Jihoon gripped his gun, turned on the tape recorder in his jacket, and walked over to him. 

"Hwang Minhyun." Minhyun looked up, seemingly unaffected by the alcohol despite consuming almost ten shots. 

"What do you want, kid?"

"I want to join San Sung Pa." Minhyun started laughing, his laugh uncharacteristically warm for someone of his notoriety. He laughed until tears formed in his eyes. Jihoon remained standing with a steely determination on his face. "Wait, you weren't joking? YOU want to join San Sung Pa? Are you insane?"

"Maybe so, but I need the money." Jihoon had prepped his story, his murdered father had left him a debt and he needed to pay it off. It wasn't too far from the truth. Minhyun looked him up and down. 

"There's other ways kid, especially with a face like yours. There's bound to be someone out there that would pay a lot for someone like you." If looks could kill, Minhyun would have dropped dead. "Relax kid, I was joking. What's your name?"

"Park Jihoon."

"So Park Jihoon, what makes you think you have what it takes to join San Sung Pa?"

"I could shoot you dead right now and be your replacement." 

Minhyun chuckled. "Bold aren't we? I like how you operate. That isn't to say you're in, of course. You'll have to meet the boss and pass an initiation."  _That soon?_   Jihoon had expected he would have to work through the ranks and it would take years to even see the notorious Bae Jinyoung. Yet here he was, about to meet him. Minhyun got up and led him towards a doorway in the back. The hallway it led to was even darker than the bar itself, and Jihoon strained his eyes to see Minhyun's figure. "By the way kid, what do you work with? Weapons? Intel?"

"Drugs. My father was a meth dealer."

"Was?"

"He's dead now. He left me his debt to pay off." Minhyun went quiet at Jihoon's admission of his past, even if it was stretching the truth slightly. The rest of the walk was silent.

-

After travelling the maze of a hallway behind the bar, Jihoon and Minhyun came upon a five star hotel that Jihoon assumed was San Sung Pa's current base. Following Minhyun's lead, Jihoon took an elevator to the fifth floor. He was shown to an office that at first glance appeared unused. After standing inside for five awkward minutes, a tall boy in a black three piece suit entering the room pulled Jihoon's attention from the floor.

"Ah Jinyoung, we were just waiting for you. This is Park Jihoon, he's interested in joining."  _So this was Bae Jinyoung?_ Jihoon knew he was young, but he looked like he was no older than 20. Jihoon leaned over to Minhyun and whispered.

"How old is he?"

"19."  _19 and one of the country's most dangerous and feared mafia bosses? What the hell happened to this kid?_ Jinyoung sat down at his desk and Jihoon was able to get a better look at him. He was thin and had a small face with round eyes. His hair was messily slicked back and dyed a shade of light, dusty purple.  _Purple hair?_ Jihoon thought to himself.  _What kind of fucking eccentrics am I dealing with here?_ Aside from the purple hair, Jinyoung looked like someone Jihoon would meet in his daily life. The exact opposite of what Jihoon was expecting. If they had been different people living different lives, Jihoon might have said he found the younger boy attractive. But in this life, all Jihoon could see was the ugliness and brutality of his crimes. All Jihoon could see was his father's blood on Jinyoung's hands. Despite his innocent appearance, Bae Jinyoung was capable of severe violence. Jihoon had read the stories of people who had survived his torture techniques. Jihoon felt nothing but hate for him. It made him shudder internally just recalling those stories. Jinyoung looked at Minhyun, a smirk dancing across his lips. 

"This kid wants to join San Sung Pa?"

"Yeah, he needs to pay off some debt his father left behind." Jihoon was shocked by Jinyoung's voice. How could someone this cruel have such a smooth voice? It was like honey. Jinyoung turned to face Jihoon. 

"What kind of debt?"

"Monetary. My father was a drug dealer. He was killed four years ago and left me his debt to pay off." Jihoon answered.

"Drug dealer, huh. What kind?"

"Meth, sir."

"Don't call me sir. How old are you?"

"20."

"What kind of 20 year old calls his junior 'sir'? Minhyun, you've brought me another idiot."

"He threatened to kill me after introducing himself."

"Oh-ho, did he?" Jinyoung turned to Minhyun and their eyes met. They seemed to communicate something silently. Jihoon dropped his gaze to the floor, afraid that he had angered Jinyoung already. After a moment, he felt Jinyoung staring at him.

"Look at me, Park." Jinyoung commanded. Jihoon tentatively looked up and made eye contact for the first time. "You're in - under three conditions. One, the initiation. I assume you know it already?" Jihoon nodded. He had looked up the initiation the night before and found that it was receiving a tattoo of three stars in a line on the inside of your left wrist. While he wasn't keen on being affiliated with San Sung Pa for life, he agreed nonetheless. Sometimes unwanted things had to be done to achieve the goal. "Two, you don't threaten my members' lives anymore." Jihoon's cheeks grew red in shame and he nodded. "Three, you cut off all contact with your previous life. From the moment the needle touches your skin, you are loyal to San Sung Pa and San Sung Pa only. Understood?' Jihoon nodded again. "Although the son of a murdered drug dealer wouldn't have many connections, I'm assuming." Jihoon fumed at how easily Jinyoung degraded his father and himself. He fumed even more at the fact that he was right. He steadied his voice before answering.

"I have none."  _Except Woojin._ By the way Jinyoung talked to him, he assumed a phone check would not occur. And it didn't.

-

After receiving the tattoo, Jihoon learned that Minhyun was Jinyoung's body guard.  _Well shit, there's another obstacle._ Jihoon was then introduced to some fellow San Sung Pa members. Yoon Jisung, an intelligence officer who knew everything about everyone. Ha Sungwoon, a master hacker and Jisung's partner during operations. During the meeting with Sungwoon, the talkative hacker described Jihoon as "that asshole Seongwoo's replacement." Jihoon was quickly realizing that looks were deceiving. If he had met Jisung or Sungwoon on the street, he would not have assumed that they were high ranking members of South Korea's most notorious mafia. Minhyun then led him to the lab, explaining that as a drug dealer the two people he was about to meet were those he would be working closely with. The only two people in the lab were two young boys, both younger than Jinyoung. Minhyun told him that at 18, they were the two youngest members, but also two of the smartest. The taller of the two, Lai Guanlin, was a Taiwanese-born child prodigy. He was a lab assistant and due to his dark appearance, was also used for intimidation tactics. He didn't say much, which made Jihoon uneasy. The shorter of the two had bright orange hair and was a ball of hyperactivity. Lee Daehwi, described by Minhyun as a "genius chemist, smarter than even Einstein", radiated energy but had vacant eyes - as if he was missing something. Jihoon quickly found out that that missing thing was half the boy's sanity. 

"What happened to him?" Jihoon wondered aloud after leaving the lab.

"The only people that know exactly what happened that day are Jinyoung, Guanlin, and Daehwi himself, and none of them talk about it. We don't think Daehwi remembers anyways. All we know is that some sort of accident happened four years ago and none of them have been the same since."

Minhyun showed Jihoon to his room, which was on the first floor. The higher the floor, the higher the rank. It was protocol. Jihoon laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling. What had he gotten himself into?


	2. The Nights

Jihoon woke up to his phone buzzing more than a swarm of bees. He picked up the device from the bedside table to see what all the commotion was about and saw that he had about 200 missed messages and 12 missed calls from Woojin. He had forgotten to contact him and fallen asleep as soon as he laid down.

1:48 am

Woojin: You better answer me or you'll be dead before he is

Jihoon: Sorry, I fell asleep

Woojin: Park Jihoon you are going to be the death of me I almost went insane worrying about you

Jihoon: In my defense I had a busy day. I got in though and met Jinyoung.

Woojin: Already? What's he like?

Jihoon: He's... cold

Woojin: He's a mafia boss

Jihoon: You have a point. He's so young though.

Woojin: How old is he?

Jihoon: 19

Woojin: You expected him to be young though, right?

Jihoon: Yeah I did but 19... he's younger than us

Woojin: He is. Did you meet anyone else?

Jihoon: A few others. There's this kid Daehwi, some sort of accident happened to him and he's a little... off. No one knows what caused it. I feel bad for him.

Woojin: Maybe after everything you can help him?

Jihoon: It's not that simple, but maybe. I'm going to sleep now, goodnight. I love you.

Woojin: I love you too, goodnight.

-

The next few days and nights were much similar to the first, getting shown around by Minhyun and occasionally Sungwoon if he had nothing to do. Every night Jihoon made sure to contact Woojin so he didn't get woken up by the incessant buzzing at two in the morning. He hadn't seen or heard from Jinyoung for about a week, until he met Jisung in the middle of the night. Jihoon had gone looking for a glass of water and quite literally ran into Jisung in the hallway, knocking Jihoon down. After being helped up by Jisung and apologizing profusely for his clumsiness, Jihoon was subject to an intense stare from Jisung.

"You're that new kid right? Park something?" Jisung cocked his head to the side and continued staring.

"Park Jihoon. Yes, that's me. Why?" Jisung laughed at Jihoon's choppy introduction, but it was laced with nervousness. 

"Jinyoung is really interested in you, but I don't know if it's in a good way or a bad way. I would recommend staying on his good side, no matter what. He had me do a background check on you." Jihoon's palms grew sweaty with nerves at this information, and he wiped them on the sides of his pants. "Don't worry, I couldn't find much besides some basic personal info. You're basically off the grid." Jisung walked past Jihoon, leaving him confused.  _Off the grid?_ How could he be off the grid?

- 

After his weird interaction with Jisung the night before, Jihoon was hesitant to be doing his first operation with the intel officer. But, as Jihoon had no official partner, it was protocol to be partnered with those who had the most field experience. Jinyoung was originally going to tag along to "monitor" Jihoon, but ended up not coming. During the car ride there, Jisung explained that it would be quick and non-violent. All Jihoon had to do was transport a small package of whatever drugs Jinyoung had sold and collect the money. Quick and non-violent,  _if_   everything went according to plan. It didn't. Jihoon wasn't exactly the most graceful and ended up tripping over something while exiting the warehouse, alerting the guard stationed outside. Jihoon cursed himself and hid behind the nearest stack of crates, preparing his weapon for the worst. He didn't have any desire to shoot someone (except Jinyoung - but our beloved young mafia boss was not on Jihoon's mind at this point), but if the worst did happen he was not dying before his goal was achieved.  He heard three quick gunshots and looked out from behind the crates. He saw Jisung standing over the body of the guard, gun still smoking. The guard had three bullet holes in vertical order - head, chest, stomach - which was San Sung Pa's signature kill. Jisung's voice rang out in the empty warehouse.

"You fucking idiot. Watch where you're going next time." Jisung turned on his heel and briskly walked out of the building. Jihoon stumbled out from behind the crates and ran to catch up with Jisung.

"Did you follow me into there?" Jihoon said breathlessly, after he had caught up.

"Yes."

"Why?" Jisung abruptly stopped walking and Jihoon ran directly into him for the second time in 24 hours. Soon he would have bruises on his face from running into people. 

"Don't take this the wrong way, it's not personal. I don't trust you. Unless Jinyoung okays you - which he hasn't yet - you won't be trusted by any of the members. Sorry, it's protocol." Jisung turned and continued walking toward the car. Protocol really was a bitch sometimes. Jihoon shoved his hands in his pockets and trudged his way to the car, dragging his feet. Someone who didn't know the two would have assumed that a teenager and an older relative had gotten into a petty fight. 

-

It was late at night; approximately 1:45 am. Jihoon had just bid Woojin goodnight, but couldn't sleep himself. He thought maybe the night air would help, but unfortunately as his room was on the first floor there was no balcony connected. After thinking on it for a few minutes, he decided he would go for a walk. He threw on a sweater and some runners and quickly combed his hair. He stepped out into the hallway and immediately hid behind a nearby plant. He wasn't crazy; he had heard voices down the hallway and wasn't sure if he was allowed to be out this late at night. He strained to hear what they were saying, but they were too far away. However, he could identify that the voices belonged to Jisung and Jinyoung. He waited until the sounds had faded until stepping out from behind the potted fern. He quickly found the front doors and stepped out into the cool March air. No sooner than that did he walk face first into Minhyun. He really needed to start looking up more often. 

"Jihoon? What are you doing out this late?"

"I could ask the same of you." Poor Minhyun was constantly on the receiving end of Jihoon's sassy remarks.

"Sometimes when I can't sleep, I like to come out here and look at the river." Jihoon hadn't noticed before, but the river was indeed quite close to the hotel. It was cloudy that night but he imagined that it would look quite pretty when they sky was clear.

"I actually wanted to ask you something." Minhyun's voice snapped Jihoon out of his thoughts. "Is there anything, like, between you and Jinyoung?"

"No?"  _What the FUCK._ "Why do you ask?" Where could Minhyun have gotten that idea?

"The way he looks at you when you pass each other in the hallways... it's..." Minhyun trailed off.

"It's what?" Jihoon snapped.

"It's not love but there's definitely something there. Did Jisung tell you about the background check?"

"Yes."

"He doesn't do that with everyone. In fact, I think you're the first. He might have done it with Guanlin, but I doubt it. He doesn't take interest in many people, except for Daehwi. Before the accident, that is."

Jihoon was a little shocked at that. Why the hell would Jinyoung pay that much attention to him? Not only was he shocked, he was scared too. He thought a walk would help him sleep but instead the events made him too uneasy to even close his eyes. He was half expecting Jinyoung to show up in his room in the dark. He should have killed him that first day.

-

Jihoon awoke that morning to  a new message notification. From Jinyoung.

7:55 am

Jinyoung: Come to my office ASAP.

It took Jihoon a minute to register that Jinyoung had his number.  _Jinyoung has my number? **Jinyoung** has  **my** number. _ Jisung's warning still rang in his ears. "I would recommend staying on his good side." Jihoon had to oblige at this point, for his own safety. He got dressed in something acceptable - something other than a sweatshirt and pajama pants, which was his current attire - and made his way to Jinyoung's office as quickly as possible. He made sure not to forget the recorder and his gun.

Jihoon stepped into the office and was met by the bright glare of the morning sun through the window. In his momentary blindness, he didn't notice Jinyoung sitting at the desk until the other boy spoke.

"I heard you went on you first mission yesterday, Park."

"I did."

"How did it go?"

"It uh- I-" Jinyoung held up a hand to silence Jihoon.

"Don't deafen me with your excuses or apologies. Jisung told me everything last night." Jinyoung got up and slowly walked toward Jihoon, hands in his pockets and that awful sadistic smirk plastered across his face. Jihoon panicked and brought a hand to the gun tucked into the waistband of his pants.  _This is it_ , he thought,  _this is where I die._ At least if he died he could take Jinyoung down with him. Before Jihoon could pull out his gun, Jinyoung was behind him, one hand on his forehead and the other holding a small knife to his throat. Jihoon hadn't even noticed the other boy move, it happened so quickly. 

"And here I was, thinking you were more than just a pretty face." The tone in Jinyoung's voice would have suggested he was mocking a child. Jihoon tried to kick at the younger's ankles in an attempt to free himself. Jinyoung only tightened his grip across Jihoon's chest. 

"Land one of those and I slit your throat." Jihoon fell still. He could feel Jinyoung's breath on his neck as he calmly whispered the threat. "Tell you what Park. I'll give you one more chance. But fuck up like that again and you're dead." Jihoon gave a small nod, moving in a way so that the blade didn't nick him. "And from now on, your field partner is me. I don't like dealing with screw ups after they happen." Jinyoung released his grip on Jihoon and shoved him forward, his laughter echoing down the hallway as he left the room. Jihoon knew that he should be angry, that he should be burning with hatred after that encounter, but he wasn't. While catching his breath, only one thing ran through his head.

_Bae Jinyoung smells like cinnamon._

Jihoon straightened his hair and clothes and walked out of the office, closing the door behind him. He hoped to God that his heart wasn't beating too loudly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one is shorter, I didn't expect this to get any reads so I wasn't super prepared but I promise next one will be longer!


	3. The Window

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a "house keeping chapter", so nothing really big happens. Just some backstory. But it's the longest chapter so far so I hope it doesn't disappoint! I originally hadn't planned for it to be this sad, but stuff happens I guess. Thank you as well for your comments and kudos!

He hated Jinyoung. But did he? Jihoon's internal dialogue consisted of a mental argument over his feelings towards Jinyoung for hours. Jinyoung could have killed him, but he didn't. From what he knew about the ruthless Bae Jinyoung, anyone else would have been dead in an instant. Why not him? He was disposable, so why give him a second chance? Jihoon was just a first rank drug dealer who tripped over nothing in an empty warehouse, so the question remained: Why him? Jihoon stopped pacing and stared at himself in the vanity mirror. The ghost of Park Jihoon stared back at him. His skin was paler than usual and his eyes had dark rings underneath them. Who knew a week in the mafia would do this to him? He wondered about his condition after a month, even a year. All his thoughts stopped in that moment, except for a recent memory. He hadn't registered it in the moment, but Jinyoung had called him pretty during their earlier interaction. Staring at the ghostly Jihoon in the mirror, he wondered what on Earth anyone would find pretty about him in this state. It didn't sit right with him, that the boy he was planning to kill thought he was pretty. It was time for  a change. He pondered on what he could change for five minutes, until it quite literally hit him. A lock of his chestnut brown hair had fallen into his eyes. He was going to change his hair colour.

-

At the salon Jihoon settled on a shade of brownish grey, or was it greyish brown? He couldn't tell. Whatever it was he hoped it would annoy Jinyoung. He hadn't dyed his hair since a brief period of pink before going back to his signature chestnut brown. Upon arriving at the hotel, he decided to tell Woojin before going inside.

12:36 pm 

Jihoon: I have news

Woojin: You killed him?

Jihoon: Not yet

Jihoon: Have patience

Woojin: Well then what is it?

Jihoon: I dyed my hair

Woojin: What colour?

Jihoon: Like, a greyish brown. I'm not too sure and its hard to describe.

Woojin: Well I'm excited to see it

Jihoon: I can't be on my phone for too long, protocol or some bs. Have a good day, love u.

Woojin: Love u too

Jihoon walked into the hotel with a smug grin on his face. Enough of Jinyoung's "pretty boy" bullshit, this would show him. Jihoon wandered the halls, hoping for once to run into Jinyoung. After 20 minutes of wandering and no Jinyoung, he gave up and made his way back to his room. Feeling slightly defeated, he hoped some fresh air would help clear his mind. He attempted to open the window near the bed, but found it to be locked. He settled for opening the curtains and pulled over a chair so he could stare at the river beyond. His mind began to wander, and he found himself wondering why a first floor window would need a permanent lock.

-

_"Yeah, I'll do it." Seongwoo agreed to his friend's outlandish plan. He really had nothing to lose at this point. Him and Sungwoon were going to join the Korean mafia._

_On the surface, the plan seemed like a death wish. It was the mafia, for God's sake. Even Seongwoo had denied it originally. But, after an hour long discussion with Sungwoon on the pros and cons (which Seongwoo had tuned out halfway through) and some of his own critical thinking, Seongwoo agreed. It didn't take much to convince him these days. Anything for the money, right?_

_Wrong. As soon as Seongwoo stepped into the loud, dark bar, he felt uneasy. If not for Sungwoon shouting something at him, he would have turned and walked out right then. Seongwoo stared at Sungwoon, not catching what was shouted and not caring enough to ask. Seongwoo reluctantly let Sungwoon drag him over to the young man they were supposed to meet._

_Upon meeting with Minhyun, they found out that he was Seongwoo's age. He also had a younger boy with him, about 14 years old. What was a 14 year old doing in the mafia? Must have been a family thing. Seongwoo felt sad for him, and even more-so for the boy's younger (boy?)friend, whom he met later that day. Both Seongwoo and Sungwoon were surprised by the simplicity of the initiation. Throughout the entire day, Seongwoo heavily regretted his choices that led him here. Even if there was no escape at this point._

_It had been a year. Seongwoo stared at his ceiling. He had heard the news about Daehwi's recent accident. Jinyoung and Guanlin refused to tell anyone exactly what had happened, and who could blame them? Seongwoo only hoped they could find whoever caused whatever accident had hurt Daehwi. He was such a soft spoken and kind boy. What was more sickening as that Daehwi was 14. Who would do that to a 14 year old kid?_

 

_After Daehwi's accident, the current leader (Daehwi's father) mysteriously disappeared, putting Jinyoung into power. A mafia boss at 15... Seongwoo could barely handle being low ranking at 20. He admired Jinyoung's strength but hoped the young boy didn't lose his innocence too quickly. Sungwoon, however, had climbed in rank and now roomed on the third floor. Seongwoo guessed that hackers - especially ones of Sungwoon's capability  - were difficult and rare to come across. Drug dealers, on the other hand, were easy to find. Even though he knew this going in, Seongwoo couldn't help but feel overshadowed by Sungwoon._

_After a year and a half, Seongwoo still remained first rank. He had gotten over his initial disappointment and was learning to accept it. Sungwoon was giving him what cash he could, and Seongwoo had no particular desire to become a notorious drug-lord. He had been spending a lot of time with Minhyun recently, and through him was able to find out more about Jinyoung's situation._

_According to Minhyun, they had found whoever had caused the fateful accident that had stolen Daehwi's sanity so many months ago. He was dead now, just a random meth dealer that wasn't connected to any gangs. Apparently he had a son around Jinyoung's age, but that didn't matter now. The bastard had hurt Daehwi and had to pay, Jinyoung's exact words._

_Daehwi's accident seemed to take a toll on Jinyoung the most. He was no longer the sweet boy Seongwoo had met when he joined two years ago, he was much more hardened. Life could be shitty, but Jinyoung had experienced that shittiness too early in life and his personality had done a complete 180. Guanlin too, became much quieter, only speaking when it was absolutely necessary. Daehwi wasn't even the same person anymore, but Seongwoo knew why Jinyoung had kept him around. He saw how Jinyoung looked at the other boy. It wasn't easy to part with someone you were in love with, even if they sometimes didn't know who you were._

_Jinyoung's frequent hospitalization began to worry Seongwoo. He knew he was in no place to talk to the young boss himself, so he settled on asking Sungwoon, even if the two friends hadn't seen each other in a few months. According to Sungwoon, Minhyun was the only one who Jinyoung would tell the reasons for his hospital visits, and Minhyun wasn't going to spill the boy's privacy. Seongwoo was left to his own conclusions. What condition could a 16 year old develop that would put him in the hospital so often?_

_With each day that passed, Seongwoo regretted his decision more and more. He kept telling himself it was for the money, but the continual secrecy of the higher ranks had begun to make him uneasy. It had been two and a half years, and he remained at first rank while Sungwoon was now rooming on the fourth floor. Sungwoon even had a field partner, an odd intelligence officer named Yoon Jisung. Seongwoo still had no partner, and his "temporary" partner of two and a half years had recently died in field. It was for the money though, so he had to stick it out._

_Three years had passed. Seongwoo was growing tired. Every time he brought it up to Sungwoon, Sungwoon handed him an envelope of cash to get him to go away. What Sungwoon didn't understand was that it wasn't the money that was worrying Seongwoo. He didn't want this anymore. Jinyoung was coming up with increasingly dangerous and addictive drugs and Daehwi and Guanlin were making them. Seongwoo knew that what he was doing was killing people, but he stayed for Sungwoon. He wasn't leaving without him. He had promised to protect him._

_One didn't need intelligence to see the distance between Seongwoo and Sungwoon. What would Sungwoon even want to do with a lowly first ranker when he was nearing the highest rank? Seongwoo told himself that eventually it would get better, that Sungwoon would come back to him and their friendship would rekindle. He trusted Sungwoon wouldn't let go of 17 years of friendship that easily. No matter how many times Seongwoo told himself this, the tears still flowed._

_Seongwoo hadn't had a proper conversation with Sungwoon in a year. If not for Minhyun, Seongwoo would have been completely alone. He had somehow grown close with the bodyguard in the past four years, despite their fields of work being completely different. Minhyun was the only other member in the hotel that was Seongwoo's age. Both had dropped out of high school to join the mafia, though Minhyun's was a few years prior to Seongwoo's dropping out. According to Minhyun, Jinyoung's hospital visits had become less frequent, which relieved Seongwoo. Despite having very few conversations with the 18 year old, Seongwoo felt protective of him. He indeed pitied Jinyoung, and hoped he wasn't too fucked up at this point. He hoped that Jinyoung he met four years ago was still somewhere in there._

_Four and a half years after joining and Seongwoo had finally broken. He hadn't been promoted once, and he hadn't talked to Sungwoon once in almost two years, besides the occasional "hello". He had lost Sungwoon, he was losing Minhyun, and he was losing himself. He stared at the digital clock beside his bed. It read 3:41 am. For the past few months he had been crying himself to sleep, but tonight no tears came. There was only numbness. At this point, he wanted out. He didn't care how, just as long as he never saw this hotel again._

_A few months after Seongwoo had decided he wanted out, it was time to go through with it. He wrote a quick note with an apology and the cash Sungwoon had given him if by some chance the older boy decided to check his room. He whispered a bitter goodbye and climbed out the window._

_An hour after Seongwoo's departure, Minhyun decided to check on him despite the walls Seongwoo had slowly built between them. Minhyun knocked on the door and was met with no answer, prompting him to go inside only to find Seongwoo's apology letter. He took it to Jinyoung with frantic tears and shaky hands. Even if they had grown distant, he had become attached to Seongwoo, possibly to the point of developing feelings for the ill-fated drug dealer. Minhyun could tell Seongwoo hadn't wanted to be here, but hadn’t expected him to leave without a goodbye. He would have gone with him. While Jinyoung reviewed the note, Minhyun silently tried to hold in his emotions, his tears._

_Soon after, Jinyoung had received a report on Seongwoo's whereabouts. According to the messenger, Seongwoo had been intercepted by a crazed Sungwoon who had found the note before Minhyun and gone after Seongwoo. According to bystanders, Sungwoon had worn a mask and severely beaten Seongwoo. Though, people had seen the three stars on their arms and decided it was in their best interest not to intervene with the affairs of San Sung Pa. After beating him to a pulp, Sungwoon dragged an unconscious Seongwoo into an alleyway and Seongwoo disappeared. After not hearing from him for a week, it was assumed that Seongwoo was dead; killed by Sungwoon. Minhyun had begged Jinyoung to punish Sungwoon in some sort of way, but Jinyoung insisted that Sungwoon was too valuable to be let go, and that they would soon find a replacement for Seongwoo (which would come a month later in the form of Park Jihoon). It wasn't the mafia's functionality or member count that Minhyun cared about, it was Seongwoo. That was the first of many nights Minhyun spent staring out his now permanently locked window, silent tears rolling down his cheeks._

_-_

Jihoon jolted awake. He had fallen asleep at the window, which wasn't exactly comfortable, but what caused his sudden awakening was the first of many nightmares that were about to occur. He had dreamt that he was bound to a chair, forced to watch Jinyoung torture and then kill Woojin. He glanced over at the digital clock. 3:41 am. He walked over to the bed and attempted to fall back asleep. It could have been his imagination, but Jihoon swore he heard a man screaming from the basement.


	4. The Dinner

What Jihoon hadn't expected was to be invited to dinner with some of the highest ranking mafia members. Yet, that's exactly what the text he had received from Jinyoung conveyed. Unless the younger was asking him on a date, which he highly doubted.

10:52 am

Jinyoung: Dinner tonight. Be there by 7. Look presentable.

Jihoon hadn't left his room in a few days, but he wasn't exactly excited that this was the reason why. Whatever, it gave him something to do at least. Also, what the hell did he mean by "look presentable??" Was Jihoon's fashion not good enough for him? Not that Jihoon cared anyways (he cared). He hated the kid. Jihoon was debating wearing a sweater and jeans just to annoy Jinyoung, but made the executive decision that his life was more valuable than pissing off Bae Jinyoung.

So here he was, standing outside the banquet hall doors at 6:59 pm, dressed in a black suit he hoped made him "look presentable." He had taken extra care styling his hair so that it was obvious the colour had changed. The clock on the wall behind him chimed that it was seven, and Jihoon pushed open the door and was greeted by the faces of the highest ranking members (he only knew Jisung, Sungwoon, Minhyun, Daehwi, Guanlin, and Jinyoung, but there were others present), as he had expected. After registering who had walked in, everyone went back to their previous conversations. Except Jinyoung, whose eyes remained on Jihoon as he strolled over. 

"Park, you're sitting by me tonight. Protocol." Jihoon was beginning to wonder how much protocol was actually protocol, and not just nonsense Jinyoung made up on the fly to get what he wanted. Jihoon glanced at Minhyun in confusion and was met with a nod, confirming that it was indeed protocol. Jinyoung grabbed Jihoon by the wrist and led - no, dragged - him to where he was supposed to sit. After Jihoon had sat himself down, Jinyoung leaned down until he was too close for comfort, and spoke in a voice so low that only Jihoon could hear him.

"Nice hair, sweetheart."  _Well, there goes that plan._ Jihoon hung his head in his own personal shame. Jinyoung hadn't moved away. In fact, it felt like he had somehow gotten closer to Jihoon, but he really hadn't moved an inch. Jinyoung took note of (and possibly misinterpreted) the slight pink creeping into Jihoon's cheeks. All Jihoon wanted was for Jinyoung to move before he got smacked. Unfortunately for Jihoon, Jinyoung decided to continue his teasing. "What's the matter sweetheart? Am I embarrassing you?" Fake pity laced Jinyoung's voice. Jinyoung finally pulled away, leaving Jihoon hopelessly confused. Hadn't Jinyoung threatened to kill him just a few days ago? What was he doing giving him pet names? Pet names that made Jihoon feel uneasy, for the record.

Jihoon couldn't focus on the very animated Minhyun to his left. He tried, he really tried, but as soon as Minhyun started talking faster and using his hands for emphasis, Jihoon got lost. After 20 minutes of trying to make conversation with Minhyun and trying not to notice Jinyoung stealing glances at him, the food finally came. It was what Jihoon expected: Many different platters with vegetables, rice, wine, and even chicken. Woojin often joked that Jihoon loved chicken more than he loved his boyfriend, and occasionally Jihoon would joke back that he did. After the meal was over, Jinyoung grabbed Jihoon's hand and raised it, toasting to "San Sung Pa's newest member." Jihoon guessed this was his being "okay-ed" by the younger, and felt relief that he would be trusted more. Following Jinyoung's loud toast, more wine appeared out of what seemed to be nowhere. Drunk Sungwoon was louder than ever, a tipsy Minhyun was trying to flirt with Jihoon, Jihoon hadn't touched his wine once and at this point was too scared to. The only ones seemingly unaffected by the alcohol were Jinyoung and Guanlin. 

That is, until Guanlin muttered something under his breath. There was a loud slam and everyone turned to see Guanlin with his hand pinned to the table, stabbed by Jinyoung's fork. The room was eerily silent as Guanlin stared at the utensil embedded in his hand, eyes wide and mouth agape. Jihoon wasn't sure if anyone else noticed it, but he could feel anger radiating off of Jinyoung as he stared daggers at Guanlin. If looks could kill, Guanlin would be dead twice. The anger Jihoon sensed from Jinyoung was different from the other day, it lacked the playfulness. This was pure rage. He wondered what Guanlin had said to make Jinyoung so angry. Now, Jihoon wasn't that smartest when it came to emotions and his fatal flaw was not knowing when to leave someone alone. He made the mistake of reaching over to Jinyoung, which rewarded him with Jinyoung's knife in the back of his hand. Audible gasps rippled through the room. The pain in his hand was sickening. Jihoon would have thrown up if he hadn't passed out, Minhyun moving quickly so that his head didn't hit anything.

-

Jihoon woke up in a hospital a few hours later, a thick bandage wrapped around his injured hand. In the dark, he thought he saw a figure sitting in the chair near his bed. He squinted at it to confirm who or what it was, and jumped when he heard a voice.

"Did you sleep well, sweetheart? I didn't expect you to pass out like that." The figure moved closer to him and Jihoon was suddenly surrounded by a familiar cinnamon scent. Why was Jinyoung in his room? At  _midnight_ nonetheless? Jihoon felt Jinyoung's hand in his hair, but was too dumbfounded by the overall situation to pull away. "What's with the new hair? Trying to impress me?"  _Trying to piss you off,_ Jihoon thought to himself. But he would never say that out loud. So, he just stared. "You don't say much do you, Park? What are you do quiet for? Scared?" Jihoon couldn't make out Jinyoung's expression in the dark (although there was faint moonlight filtering through the curtains), but he just knew that that damn smirk was plastered across his face. Jinyoung leaned closer to Jihoon. Before he was aware of what happened, Jihoon's mental dam overflowed.

"Thanks for the apology, it really means a lot." He snapped. As soon as he said it, he slapped his non-injured hand over his mouth, eyes wide with shock. Even he had heard the sharpness in his tone, and hoped he hadn't offended Jinyoung. He knew assault via table utensils was just the beginning of the other boy's capabilities. Jinyoung's free hand pulled his own from his face and he was back on that too close for comfort bullshit. 

"Bold words for someone who can't handle a small knife to the hand without passing out." Jihoon shoved Jinyoung away from himself.

"Well I don't know about you but I don't often get stabbed in the back of the hand Mr. Mafia Boss!" Jinyoung laughed at Jihoon's anger which just fueled the yelling even more. "What's so funny?? I've just been stabbed and the assailant won't even apologize!" Jihoon was aware that he sounded like a child, but he was genuinely angry. Just choosing his words carefully. Jinyoung suppressed his laughter enough to respond.

"'Mr. Mafia Boss'? Call me Jinyoung." Jihoon stared at Jinyoung in the darkness. "Okay, fine. I'm sorry. Are you happy now?" Jihoon was speechless. He hadn't expected to get an apology that easily. When he pushed Jinyoung, he noticed that he wasn't wearing one of his regular suits. The fabric was thinner, similar to that of Jihoon's own hospital gown. 

"Wait, are you hospitalized?"

"You caught me. What, you thought I was visiting the hospital in the dead of the night just for the hell of it? I don't like you THAT much, Park." (implying that he liked Jihoon just a little bit).

"Why are you here? What happened?"

"I was poisoned." Jihoon refused to believe him, it was probably just a cruel trick anyways.

"Liar."

"I'm not lying." The calmness in Jinyoung's voice surprised Jihoon. It was almost as if he was purposely trying not to sound cold. "Daehwi poisoned me. It's not the first time it's happened."  _Daehwi?_ Jihoon knew he could be a little... weird at times, but poisoning someone? He hadn't expected the young chemist to be THAT out of it.

"Daehwi? Why?"

"You've met him, so you have an idea of what he's like. Ever since that accident he's been..." Jinyoung paused, collecting his thoughts, "different. Not only is he batshit insane, but his morality got fucked up too. He genuinely isn't aware that what he's doing is wrong, hence him slipping poison into my drinks every once in a while. It's also why I kept him around. He's one of the only ones that doesn't question whatever new substances we come up with." Jihoon was left dumbfounded for the second time in ten minutes. Jinyoung had really opened up to him, so he took it as his chance to find out more.

"What happened to him?" he asked, with caution. The moment the words left his mouth, the atmosphere of the room changed. Jinyoung suddenly became cold, and Jihoon sensed some of the same rage he had noticed earlier. 

"Don't ask questions you don't deserve to know the answer to, Park." It wasn't a threat, but Jihoon felt fear nonetheless. Jinyoung stood up and left Jihoon's room, leaving the door slightly ajar. Light from the hallway spilled into the room. Jihoon got up and ran to the door, calling after Jinyoung. The younger boy had already disappeared into one of the many rooms along the hospital corridor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its short. I'm going to be busy for the next two weeks and might not be able to update this, so I decided to provide what I could as its my day off today.


	5. The First

Jihoon spent a week in hospital, to make sure his nerves hadn't been severed too badly. Sure, they had been severed but luckily the damage wasn't too extensive. He went through some light rehabilitation physiotherapy to prevent stiffness and improve function, and was advised to not do field work for two weeks following his release. During those two weeks of standby, Jinyoung had been hospitalized once more, for a few days time. Jihoon tried to visit him once but left as soon as he got there and saw Jinyoung's stupid smirk. Jihoon spent the bulk of his two weeks off in his room, daydreaming of Woojin and missing their little paradise they had formed together. It wasn't much, but it was enough for Jihoon. During the nights, however, he was plagued by nightmares. Some featured Jinyoung and some featured unknown people, due in part to the fact that the faint screaming he had heard one night was becoming a constant. Every morning it seemed his eye bags had grown darker.

-

Jihoon's first time leaving the hotel in almost three weeks also happened to be his first field assignment with Jinyoung as his official partner. Minhyun too, but that was for safety measures. He hadn't spoken to the kid since that first night in the hospital. Now, they sat less than a metre apart in the back seat of Minhyun's van. Jinyoung wouldn't tell him exactly what this assignment was, but they were supposed to seem pedestrian for reasons that Jihoon could not figure out.  Unlike regular fashion, Jinyoung wore a loose fitting grey hoodie, faded blue jeans, and white sneakers. Oh, and he had dyed his hair black, wearing it down and parted in the middle. It softened the younger boy's features, and he seemed more like your average 19 year old than a cold-hearted mafia boss.

"Caught you staring, sweetheart." Jihoon was shocked out his observations. Had he really been staring? He changed his focus to whatever was happening outside the window. Jinyoung scooted over and threw his arm around Jihoon's shoulders. Jihoon would have pulled away if not for his seat belt (safety first!). Yet again, Jinyoung was too close for comfort.  _Does this kid know what personal space is?_ Jihoon kept his eyes on the moving city outside the window. 

"Look at me, Park." Jihoon obliged, turning to face Jinyoung. Upon doing so, Jihoon turned bright red when he realized how close Jinyoung's face was to his. "You look like you have something on your mind," Jinyoung scooted closer, until his leg was pressed against Jihoon's. "tell me." Jihoon hated that he was right. Jihoon hated that he couldn't bring himself to push Jinyoung away. Jihoon hated that his cheeks were burning red. And Jihoon hated that he stuttered when he answered.

"I-I wanted to say s-sorry for a few weeks ago. In the hospital. I overstepped and made you mad. Please don't stab me again it really hurt." Jihoon didn't know why he said the last part. Again, he slapped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from talking anymore. Jinyoung let out a breathy laugh.

"Hmm, and do you plan on showing me how sorry you are?" He drawled. He sounded drunk, but him and Jihoon were close enough that Jihoon would have noticed if his breath smelled like alcohol. The only thing Jihoon could smell was cinnamon, which enveloped him like an awkward hug. Paired with Jinyoung's honey voice, it was like Jihoon was in an odd little cafe. Jihoon though that if the car made a sharp turn, disaster would ensue. Thankfully the ever protective Minhyun noticed what was happening through the rear-view mirror.

"Jinyoung! Stop antagonizing the poor boy. And put on your seat belt for God's sake! You're 19! I shouldn't have to tell you that!" At that, Jihoon mustered the strength to shove Jinyoung aside with his shoulder. Jinyoung only smirked in response. Jihoon wouldn't make eye contact. They were in for a long car ride.

-

The two boys walked into a warehouse side by side, Minhyun trailing after them. Jihoon recognized the warehouse as the same one from his own first operation. 

"Jinyoung, what are we doing here?"

"Tying up loose ends."  _Oh,_ thought Jihoon,  _but how many loose ends could such a simple task provide?_  

They continued walking into the empty building when a voice rang out.

"Bae Jinyoung!" Jinyoung froze. Out of the corner of his eye, Jihoon saw Minhyun's hand go to his gun. He tentatively did the same. Soon they were surrounded by men that appeared fairly civilian, but seemed too organized to be a random neighbourhood gang. They were either dealing with an opposing mafia or the police. Either way, it was dangerous, and they knew who Jinyoung was. What were the chances they knew who Minhyun was? What were the chances they knew who  _Jihoon_ was? Jihoon surveyed the faces of the surrounding men. He recognized one as the the man he had "exchanged goods" with those few weeks ago. _Shit_. The one who Jihoon assumed was their leader began speaking.

"Bae Jinyoung, the police department of Seoul declares you under arrest on multiple accounts of murder, drug trafficking, assault, accessory to murder, and smuggling. Put your hands behind your head." The man smirked smugly at Jinyoung. Even Jihoon knew that that was a poor decision. Jinyoung pulled out his knife and ran at the one accusing him, slashing wildly. Jinyoung was quick, but his target was quicker. Before Jihoon knew it, Jinyoung had a gun to his head. He looked genuinely scared as the man whispered something to him, probably more threats. Jihoon could only focus on Jinyoung, and then something clicked. He could shoot him, right now, and no one would know it was him. They would all assume it was the man holding him at gunpoint. It was now or never. He raised his gun with shaking hands (his injured one shaking twice as much) and fired three shots.

Smoke. Smoke was everywhere. Jihoon didn't know where it was coming from. His ears were ringing. Someone dragged him outside and he followed, not knowing or caring who it was. All he could do was stare, wide-eyed, at the ground. Everything felt like slow motion. He had just shot someone, killed someone. He was a murderer. A  _fucking murderer._ Jihoon heard gunshots behind him, presumably from Minhyun, but he didn't really care. He had been preparing for this moment, but something still felt wrong. Off. Like he hadn't actually shot someone. But, he knew he did. What he had done. He had shifted his aim slightly to the left and instead of ending Bae Jinyoung's life he had saved it.

Reality came back to Jihoon when the pulling stopped but his momentum didn't, and he crashed into Jinyoung. He felt Jinyoung's arms wrap around him to stop them from falling over. Jinyoung held him until he stopped shaking, only letting Jihoon go so he could throw up on the pavement. Jihoon took in his surroundings, the sun seemingly brighter than before. They were at Minhyun's van. Jinyoung had a playful look on his face, contrasting the fear Jihoon had saw only a few moments prior. 

"Park, that was fucking insane. It hit him right in the forehead." Jinyoung laughed, and it was the first time Jihoon had seen him really smile. "As a thank you for saving my life, I'm taking you somewhere. Get in the car."

Jihoon found his voice when he saw Jinyoung getting into the driver's seat. "Does Minhyun know? Do you know how to drive?"

"No and kind of. Sungwoon gave me a lesson once." Jinyoung saw Jihoon's apprehensive look and flashed him a devilish grin. "But that's all part of the fun, isn't it?"

-

It was safe to say Jinyoung drove like a maniac. Sure, he followed basic road rules but the speed limit was lost on him. Speeding through the city at 90 km/h, Jihoon thought they were going to die or get arrested, or both. 

"Slow down you fucking idiot! We're going to die!" Jinyoung laughed and shouted something in response, but Jihoon was too busy trying not to throw up. Maybe it was the thrill of ditching Minhyun, but Jinyoung seemed giddy. Thankfully the trip to their destination was a short one. When they arrived, Jinyoung couldn't stop laughing. Jihoon let out a small chuckle. In this moment, all Jihoon saw was an irresponsible 19 year old ditching his superiors and being reckless. He saw who Jinyoung could have been. 

Jihoon followed Jinyoung into the small cafe and took in the surroundings. Everything seemed warm and cosy, including the faint smell of cinnamon. 

"This is one of my favourite cafes. Because of Daehwi's habits, I eat out more than at the hotel. This place has really nice cinnamon tea." Jinyoung explained.  _So that's why he smells like cinnamon._ Jihoon felt something warm on his right hand and looked down to see blood staining the bandage. He would have to redress it later. He followed Jinyoung to the counter and listened to Jinyoung's order. He seemed to know the barista, and ordered "what he usually got." Jihoon had no idea what to order, even after staring at the menu for five minutes. 

"I'll get the same as him." The barista nodded and soon handed them two mugs of cinnamon tea with honey. Jinyoung led them to a table in the corner, by a large window. The cafe seemed fairly empty, there were only about five other customers. As soon as Jihoon took a sip of his tea, he wondered why the cafe had such a low attendance. Jihoon was more of a coffee guy but this tea alone could make him change his mind. He looked up at Jinyoung but was met with a concerned look.

"Sweetheart, your hand is bleeding." Jinyoung used his personal (favourite) nickname for Jihoon, but instead of the usual condescending and mocking tone, he seemed genuinely concerned. Like he actually cared.

"I was going to redress it when we got back to the ho-" Jihoon was cut off by Jinyoung running to the counter and asking for a first aid kit. The barista gave him a confused look but handed over the first aid kit nonetheless. Jihoon stared at her. She was tall and pretty, and she looked a few years older than Jihoon. He wondered her name and if she knew who Jinyoung was (he later found out that her name was Im Nayoung and that she knew Jinyoung was connected to San Sung Pa but not his status). He was shocked out of his thoughts by Jinyoung loudly placing the first aid kit on the table. He took Jihoon's injured hand and unwrapped bloody bandages. Even Jihoon was surprised at the state of his injury. Blood still pumped out of the wound, dripping onto the table and forming a small, dark puddle. It was almost as if he had been stabbed all over again. He was surprised he hadn't felt any physical effects from the blood loss. Jinyoung tried wiping away the excess blood, but every time he did, a new trail quickly formed in it's place. Eventually he gave up and rummaged through the box for disinfectant and a new bandage. When he found what he wanted, he set it on the table and appeared to be lost in thought.

"Park, I need to to hold your hand in the air for me." Jihoon obliged. "This is going to hurt." Jinyoung raised his hand and struck Jihoon across the face. Jihoon was too bewildered by what had just happened that he didn't register the sting of the disinfectant. 

"What the fuck was that for?" Jihoon glared at Jinyoung.

"But you didn't feel the disinfectant, did you?" Jinyoung had a point. Jihoon grumbled in response and looked out the window, like a child who had just lost a fight with a parent. Jinyoung waited for the disinfectant spray to dry before wiping away some of the excess blood. He gently wrapped Jihoon's hand with a gauze bandage. Jihoon was surprised at Jinyoung's gentleness, considering it was his fault Jihoon's hand even needed to be wrapped. To top it all off, Jinyoung tied the bandage in a bow and kissed it, smirking at Jihoon afterwards. Jihoon felt a slight blush creeping into his cheeks despite there being a centimetre or two separating his skin and Jinyoung's lips. He tried to mask it by sipping from his large mug of tea.

"Park, you got your blood all over the table. Clean it up."

"You're the one who stabbed me! I wouldn't be bleeding in the first place if you hadn't." Jinyoung threw a handful of napkins at Jihoon's face. Jihoon grumbled again and placed them on the small puddle of blood that had formed. He watched the red stain grow as they absorbed the blood and he felt Jinyoung's hand in his, their fingers intertwining.

"Jinyoung."

"Mmm?"

"What's with the new hair? Trying to impress me?" Jihoon echoed back Jinyoung's question about his own hair colour.

"Maybe I am."

-

Guanlin was tired. Tired of being second best, second choice. Why couldn't he be Jinyoung's favourite? It wasn't fair. Jinyoung was his favourite. Why couldn't he ever be his? First it was Daehwi, but after the accident Guanlin didn't expect Jinyoung to keep him around. But he did, and still favoured him even if he tried to kill him ever so often. After Seongwoo's death, Guanlin had gotten closer to Jinyoung. He thought that it was finally,  _finally_ his chance. His chance to be appreciated, to be loved by Bae Jinyoung in the same way he loved Bae Jinyoung. Guanlin was tired. Tired of being overshadowed by Daehwi, because Guanlin was just a lab assistant. And Daehwi was smarter and nicer and better and Jinyoung's favourite and he was  _Daehwi_ and Guanlin was just Guanlin. Nothing special, no one's favourite. Because first it was Daehwi, and then it was Park Jihoon. Park Jihoon who had shown up out of nowhere and stolen all of Jinyoung's attention. Park Jihoon who had stolen Guanlin's spot, his chance. Park Jihoon who Guanlin had to get rid of. Park Jihoon who Guanlin had to kill.

-

Jinyoung sauntered into the hotel, followed by a nervous Jihoon. They were soon ambushed by a red faced Minhyun who yelled at Jinyoung about ditching him. When he noticed Jihoon watching, he quickly apologized and dragged Jinyoung away. Jihoon could hear his loud scolding from the other end of the hall. He could picture Jinyoung's reaction, him smirking and laughing at Minhyun's annoyance. Jihoon wandered to his room, planning on telling Woojin about the day's events (perhaps leaving out the part about him intentionally saving Jinyoung's life). He couldn't find his phone, and practically tore apart the room looking for it. Then he guessed he had probably left it in Jinyoung's office after they had met that morning to discuss their "outing." He closed the door to his room and made his way to the fifth floor.  


	6. The Secret

Jihoon found his way to Jinyoung's office easily, despite all the doors looking the same. He knocked and peeked his head around the door so Jinyoung knew who it was. Jinyoung invited him in and Jihoon stepped inside, closing the door behind him. Jinyoung hadn't changed since their return, and the hoodie he wore exposed more of his collarbones than Jihoon was used to. Jihoon stopped himself from staring before he got caught again. 

"So, Hoonie, you couldn't get enough of me?" Jihoon froze. Why would Jinyoung call him that? That was Woojin's nickname for him. He hoped that it was a mere coincidence, that Jinyoung was just coming up with new nicknames for him. He tried to convey a look of confusion rather than recognition. "Or, were you looking for this?" Jinyoung held up Jihoon's phone, his smile vanishing. The screen showed unread texts from Woojin. Jihoon looked like he was going to cry. He felt it too. As if he had grown roots, his feet felt anchored to the ground as he watched Jinyoung scroll through the notifications, piecing together who Woojin was.

"It seems my Hoonie has a boyfriend." The words were something you would ask a child. His tone sounded like he would break Jihoon's arm if given the chance. Jinyoung looked up from the screen. Jihoon expected to receive the same look that he saw Jinyoung give Guanlin the night they were both stabbed. His voice was angry, but his eyes weren't. He looked almost sad. Once their eyes met, Jihoon couldn't tear his gaze away. Jinyoung stood up and despite the odd look in the younger boy's eyes, Jihoon thought that this was really it for him. He had used up his chances. But instead, Jinyoung walked around the desk and sat on top of it. 

"You know, now that your secret's out, I could kill him." Jinyoung's voice was nonthreatening and quiet, as if he was simply stating a fact rather than threatening someone's life. Once Jihoon realized the weight of those words, that Jinyoung wasn't kidding or trying to bug him, the tears flowed.

"Jinyoung, please..."

"No." There it was. That terrifying anger that filled Jihoon's nightmares. "I trusted you once, you fucked up. I trusted you twice, you lied. Why should I trust you a third time?" Jihoon fell to his knees. Jinyoung continued talking, rage and hurt creeping into his voice.

"Don't you realize that loyal to San Sung Pa means loyal to me?" Jihoon dared to look up at Jinyoung. The sadness in his eyes had given way to anger, which is exactly what Jihoon dreaded. 

"Please don't hurt him-"

"It's only fair I do."

"I'll do anything." Jinyoung raised his eyebrows at Jihoon, who had found the strength to stand up again. 

"Anything?"

"Anything. Just leave him out of this. Don't hurt him because of me."

"But you hurt me."

"Then hurt me instead." Jinyoung pondered on that statement. Jihoon regretted it as soon as he saw the look in Jinyoung's eyes.

"You love him, right Park?"

"Yes." This, Jihoon was sure of.

"Then break up with him."

"Wha-"

"You heard me, break up with him. And of course, cut off all contact with him like you were  _supposed_ to do. Don't mention me. I'll be checking your phone to make sure. Better to make him hate you, right?" Jihoon was about to slap the smirk off Jinyoung's face. 

"If I do that, you'll leave him alone?"

"You said you'd do anything. You keep up your end, I keep up mine." Jihoon nodded and grabbed his phone, turning to leave.

"One more thing Park," Jihoon stopped in his tracks. "Kiss me."

-

Guanlin had a plan. If he wanted to get rid of Jihoon, he had to do it fast. So he would do it today. He had Daehwi bring him a glass of water. He found whatever Daehwi's recent poison for Jinyoung was, and dissolved it in the clear liquid. This way, people would suspect Daehwi was back to his habits with a different target instead of suspecting Guanlin. He made sure to put double what he saw Daehwi use, to be sure it would work. He set off towards Jihoon's room. Finally, he would be Jinyoung's favourite.

-

Jihoon was truly, honestly bewildered. What kind of request was that? Apparently his face showed it, because Jinyoung felt the need to explain himself. 

"You said you'd do anything. So kiss me." Jihoon glared at him. Jinyoung continued his explanation. "You keep up your end, I keep up mine. Or are you worried you'll fall for me? That won't be a problem, it's not like you'll have a boyfriend for that much longer anyways." Jinyoung was trying to provoke him, and it was working. "I could just pay Woojin a little visit. It won't be that hard to find his address." Jihoon gave in to Jinyoung's taunts. He walked over to where he sat and kissed him.

What Jihoon had intended to be a quick kiss backfired on him. Jinyoung snaked his arms around Jihoon's waist, entrapping him. Jinyoung returned the kiss with a force that matched his confidence. If this was the game Jinyoung wanted to play, Jihoon would play him back. He could pretend to like this. Jihoon draped his arms around Jinyoung's shoulders and parted his lips, inviting Jinyoung to go further; hoping he was convincing enough. Hoping he could earn back his trust. Thankfully, it worked. Jinyoung deepened the kiss and Jihoon felt the younger's grip on his shirt tighten. Jihoon found himself relaxing into Jinyoung's touch, and it wasn't pretend. Somewhere along the line, pretend enjoyment and actual enjoyment blended together and Jihoon wasn't really sure what was going on. He only knew Jinyoung, Jinyoung's scent; Jinyoung's lips against his own. Jinyoung's tongue in his mouth. Wait. Jihoon turned bright red and jerked away, but Jinyoung's grip around Jihoon's waist was too tight for Jihoon to break. Jinyoung smirked at Jihoon, seemingly proud of himself. Then he pulled Jihoon into what seemed like a hug, but Jihoon felt his breath against his ear as he whispered something.

"Now sweetheart, you didn't think I was that inexperienced, did you?" Jinyoung flipped their positions so that it was now Jihoon who sat on the desk. Jihoon's heart rate sped up when he felt Jinyoung's mouth on his neck. He let out a small noise when he felt Jinyoung's teeth on his shoulder. Jihoon finally shoved him away and brought a hand to his shoulder. Jinyoung laughed while Jihoon stared at him with wide eyes. Jihoon was first to break the tension in the air by speaking.

"You're fucking insane."

"But you liked it." Jihoon didn't say anything as he walked past Jinyoung and into the hallway. He waited until the heat in his cheeks dissipated before finding his way back to his room, staring at the floor and walked as quickly as possible. Unfortunately Jisung was walking in the opposite direction and the two collided. Jihoon apologized and tried to continue along, but Jisung's grip on his arm stopped him.

"Jihoon, your face is all red. Are you sick? Or were you sharing a passionate kiss with our young boss?" Jihoon shook his head in response.

"Wha- I'm probably just sick."

"Really?" Jisung examined Jihoon's face and wiped something near his mouth, his finger coming away pink. "Because I seem to remember Jinyoung buying a lip tint in this exact colour recently." Jisung shrugged and walked away. Jihoon ran back to his room.

-

Guanlin was confident in his plan. He knew where Jihoon's room was, but the lab was on the third floor and his room was on the first. The elevator was occupied, so Guanlin took the staircase. He walked calmly, not letting anyone know what he was about to do. When he arrived at Jihoon's room, a frantic figure crashed into him, causing the glass to fall out of his hands and shatter on the floor, the contents spilling all over the both of them. Whoever had run into Guanlin started frantically apologizing.

"Oh God, oh no. I'm so sorry I didn't see you and- let me help you." Guanlin recognized the voice as Jihoon's. He knelt down and started picking up the glass shards with his bare hands. Guanlin knelt down beside him and stopped his shaking hands from picking up anymore glass, small cuts were already starting to form. 

"Jihoon, let me do it." Jihoon looked up at him and let the shards in his hands fall to the ground.

"Thank you." He whispered, and ran into his room. Guanlin tried not to let his annoyance show and found a broom to sweep up the broken glass. Next time.

-

Why did Jinyoung do it? He wasn't too sure. More of a heat of the moment kind of thing. He probably shouldn't have given him another chance, but he couldn't bring himself to physically hurt Jihoon for being in love. He didn't want Jihoon to end up like Daehwi. He didn't want Jihoon to end up like himself. Kissing Jihoon was something he had been considering since that night in the hospital. He just hadn't anticipated doing so would break the other boy's heart.

-

Jihoon fell onto his bed. He wished the sheets would absorb him and he wouldn't have to do this, but he had a promise keep. Woojin's life was on the line.

4:06 PM

Jihoon: Hey

Woojin: Hi

Jihoon: I have something to say

Woojin: What is it? Did you kill someone?

Jihoon: Actually yes. Earlier today, I shot a member of the Seoul Police force. It made me realize something.

Woojin: Hold on, you what??

Jihoon: Let me continue, please.

Jihoon: It made me realize that I've changed. I'm not the same person that you fell in love with. I left him in a warehouse when I pulled the trigger. No, I left him in a tattoo parlour when the needle touched my skin. Plus, the money that I earn here is good. So, I'm sorry to tell you this but I can't do this anymore.

Woojin: Can't do what?

Jihoon: Be with you. Be a part of your life.

Woojin: Are you breaking up with me?

Jihoon: Yes. I'm sorry it had to end so soon. I'm sorry you had to fall for someone like me. Someone who kills innocent people. I'll only hurt you, and that's exactly what I don't want.

Woojin: Don't you think this is also hurting me?

Jihoon: This pain won't last. You’ll get over me. If people find out you're connected to me, then it will hurt you more. You could lose everything. I'm sorry Woojin. I'm sorry it had to end like this. I love you.

Jihoon turned off his phone before he could see Woojin's reply. He would delete his number later. It was time for his tears to flow, for him to truly cry. Instead of physical pain, Jinyoung had gone for emotional pain. But he couldn't bring himself to hate Jinyoung for it. It would've had to happen eventually, Jihoon was too far gone for Woojin to ever love him again. Who in their right mind would fall for a murderer? When Jihoon couldn't take the pain anymore, he dug through the bag he had originally brought when he joined. He had brought something from home, something Woojin had gotten mad at him over time and time again. He had promised he wouldn't do this again, but Woojin wasn't here to stop him. He found a cup and filled it with water, downing two small pills with the liquid. He waited for the familiar euphoria to kick in, for his feelings to give way to an unfiltered and false happiness. This time, the drugs didn't work as well as in the past. Maybe it was due to the overwhelming sadness he felt when he took them. Or maybe it was because kissing Bae Jinyoung was the best high he'd ever felt.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry (but not really)


	7. The Dream

Jihoon woke up the next morning with bruises on his neck. He stared at himself in the mirror, his eye bags yet again seemingly darker than the day before. He brought a hand up to the markings, gingerly touching them in case they were tender. When he felt no pain, he pressed harder. Still no pain. Maybe they weren't bruises. He suddenly got a wave of nausea, an aftereffect of the pills he had taken the previous night. After throwing up the minimal contents of his stomach, he threw on an over-sized hoodie and attempted to use the hood to hide the markings on his neck. He didn't bother with the cuts on his hands, he couldn't even remember what had caused them. Once satisfied with his cover up, he stepped into the the hallway, almost bumping into Guanlin. Guanlin steadied himself and the glass of water that he was carrying, careful not to spill or drop it. He handed the glass to Jihoon and was met with a confused look. Jihoon wasn't at all close with Guanlin, in fact he hadn't talked to the the latter in approximately a month, so Jihoon was understandably confused at the younger boy's sudden gesture of kindness toward him. Guanlin looked vaguely insulted at Jihoon's confusion. 

"It's an apology for last night." Guanlin said curtly. Jihoon was only more confused.  _Last night?_ He looked from the glass to Guanlin, furrowing his brows. "For spilling water on you." Jihoon thought hard. Really hard. He pressed his lips into a thin line, feeling them crack and split as they rubbed against each other. He couldn't remember what Guanlin was talking about to save his life, but he thanked the boy and accepted the water. Truthfully, Jihoon's mouth was dry so he was grateful for the water as he sipped it. He finished the drink and searched for the kitchen so he could return the glass. He stopped when his vision gradually became blurry, and he attributed it again to what he had done last night. When the blur faded to a point where he could see two metres in front of him, he set the glass on a nearby table and decided against going to the kitchen. Too many sounds, and his head was pounding. His body felt more run down than usual, even after a bad high. He thought that he should at least talk to Jinyoung. While waiting for the elevator, he leaned against the wall. His vision kept going in and out of focus; all he wanted to do was lay down. A familiar feeling of lightheadedness washed over him, and Jihoon laughed a bittersweet laugh to himself. He knew this feeling. He coughed a few times, and let a familiar darkness fill his vision, a familiar numbness fill his mind.

-

Jinyoung received the news of Jihoon passing out via Minhyun. Apparently Minhyun had taken the elevator to the first floor to find Jihoon passed out in front of it, his breathing rapid and shallow. After a visit to the hospital, it had been confirmed that he had suffered a heavy dose of poison. Had Minhyun been a few minutes later, Jihoon would have died. He was currently getting his stomach pumped in hospital. He wasn't allowed visitors, for the time being. Apparently they had also found traces of ecstasy in his system. Jinyoung wondered if that was because of him, if he had made Jihoon upset enough to resort to artificial happiness. Probably. He sat alone in his office for hours, thinking. Thinking of how he could fix things between him and Jihoon, if things were even fixable. A sharp knock at the door snapped him out of his thoughts. They weren't things he should be thinking about anyways. In this line of work, feelings were dangerous. He had learnt that well enough with Daehwi, just as Minhyun had learnt with Seongwoo. The person knocked again, this time sharper. Jinyoung composed himself and turned his chair away from the window to face the door.

"Come in." He called. Minhyun opened the door and Daehwi skipped in. Jinyoung froze. He hadn't had a one on one conversation with him in months; every previous one becoming more awkward than the last.

"Daehwi, what are you doing here?" The orange haired boy hummed in response.

"I wanted to talk to youuuu." Daehwi's sing-song way of speaking brought Jinyoung back to when they were kids; before the accident. Jinyoung pushed those memories back. Now was not the time to cry.

"There's not much to talk about." Jinyoung kept his answers short. He couldn't handle being alone in a room with Daehwi for too long. 

"Yes there is. Did you hear about Jihoon?" Daehwi skipped around the room, as if he were talking about butterflies rather than Jihoon nearly dying.

"I did. I'm assuming you did that? It's fine when it's me, but keep it confined to me."

"Noooooo. Why would I do it?"

"Who else would?" Jinyoung was getting annoyed. 

"I don't know. I just know it wasn't me. He doesn't need saving." Daehwi was staring at the clouds in awe through the window.

"Jinyoung, we should go to the river soon. Like we used to." So he remembered. There were only certain things Daehwi remembered about their childhood together, and apparently this was one. Even after four years, he still revealed something occasionally.

"Yeah, maybe." Daehwi turned Jinyoung's chair around to face him, wrapping his arms around a tense Jinyoung. 

"Jinyoungieeee. I miss you."

"I miss you too." Jinyoung whispered, his hands gripping the armrests.  _I miss who you were. I miss my Daehwi._

"Daehwi."

"Hmm?"

"Can you leave? Please? I think Guanlin needs you for something."

"Oh, okay! See you!" Daehwi skipped out of the office. Jinyoung bit back tears. He stood and looked out the window, staring at the clouds.

-

Jihoon sat on the rooftop of the hotel, looking out over the river. His feet were dangling off the edge, he was swinging them to and fro. A slight breeze ruffled his hair. He stared at the ground below him. People shuffled back and forth, going about their daily noontime business. Jihoon didn't know why or how he had gotten here, but he watched anyways. It was quite a long fall from his position to the pavement below. He was surprised no one had called out to him, though he wasn't planning on jumping. Just an innocent observation. He continued swinging his feet to and fro, when he heard the scrape of footsteps on the rooftop. He didn't have to turn to know who it was. The familiar cinnamon scent filled his nostrils, intoxicating him. He closed his eyes and leaned into Jinyoung, who was now sitting beside him.

"Hi." Jihoon whispered, his eyes still closed. Jinyoung remained silent. They might have sat like that for minutes or hours, Jihoon couldn't tell and didn't care. He couldn't pull away, he almost didn't want to. He felt glued to Jinyoung.

"Park, look at me." Jihoon opened his eyes and lifted his head off Jinyoung's shoulder, every bit of skin that lost contact feeling it had been ripped from his face. He turned to face Jinyoung, their faces mere centimetres apart. Instead of shying away from the closeness, Jihoon welcomed it. Jinyoung draped his arm around Jihoon and brought his other hand up to Jihoon's cheek. Jinyoung leaned closer and Jihoon's heart rate sped up. Jinyoung was going to kiss him, he was sure of it. Just before their lips met, Jihoon heard a loud gunshot. He opened his eyes and looked at Jinyoung. A dark stain was growing on the younger boy's chest, dying his stark white shirt a dark, bloody red.

"Jinyoung..." Jihoon began. Jinyoung brought a finger up to Jihoon's lips, effectively silencing him. He leaned forward and whispered in Jihoon's ear.

"Don't let your feelings tempt you, sweetheart." With that, Jinyoung used the arm around Jihoon's shoulders to push him forwards and off the rooftop. Jihoon closed his eyes and let himself fall, the breeze ruffling his hair.

-

Jihoon jolted awake, but felt a pressure on his chest. There was a sharp pain in his stomach. His head was pounding. The pressure on his chest relieved itself and finally he could breathe again. He looked around him. He was in a dark room. He recognized the faint shapes in the dark, but couldn't tell where they were from or what the were. He was still shaken from his dream, Jinyoung's ominous warning ringing in his ears. It was different from the other nightmares he had been having. This one felt too real. He felt a hand on his forehead and moved to swat it away, but his arms felt like a ton of bricks. Whoever was in here with him placed their hand in his hair.

"Hello there, Sleeping Beauty." It was Jinyoung's voice, but the usual scent of cinnamon didn't accompany him. He smelled more of alcohol. Jihoon's voice was hoarse when he spoke, the product of not being used in many days.

"Where am I?"

"The hospital." Jinyoung flicked on the lights. The bright fluorescents burnt Jihoon's eyes and he squeezed them shut. He blinked them open after a few minutes and turned to face Jinyoung. The younger looked like he hadn't slept in days, hair disheveled and dark rings around his eyes.  Jihoon wondered if it was because of him. 

"How long have I been here?"

"About a week."

"How long have you been here?"

"A bit less than a week, they didn't allow visitors the first few days." Jihoon looked at his own body. There was a tube running from his stomach to a machine.

"What the  _fuck_  is  _that?!"_ Jihoon tried to grab at it, his hands fumbling around like dead weight. Jinyoung's eyes grew large with alarm and he pinned Jihoon's arms down. 

"Don't." He whispered, hoarsely.

"What is it?" Jihoon stared at it in fear and confusion.

"You had to get your stomach pumped. They haven't removed it yet in case they missed something." Jinyoung explained calmly.

"Stomach pumped..? Why?" Jinyoung sighed and glanced away. He looked back at Jihoon when he spoke.

"You were poisoned."

"Poisoned? By who?" Jihoon was baffled.

"We don't know. Daehwi says it wasn't him and I believe him. He isn't one to lie."

"Why was I out for so long then?"

"First of all you nearly died, if Minhyun had found you even minutes later we wouldn't be having this conversation. You should thank him later. Second of all..." Jinyoung averted his eyes, "they found drugs in your system. Ecstasy to be exact. Did you take it?" Jihoon didn't answer, but instead looked down. Jinyoung shook his shoulders. "Did you take it?!" His voice broke that time. Jihoon looked up at him. There were tears in the corners of his eyes. Jihoon spoke, barely a whisper. 

"Yes." Jihoon thought Jinyoung was going to shatter into a million pieces. The younger buried his face in Jihoon's chest, shaking with sobs. Jihoon felt the tears stain his hospital gown.

"Why? Why did you?"

"My heart was broken. It still is." Jinyoung looked up at Jihoon with tear-filled eyes. Jihoon almost felt bad for him.

"Please don't do it again. There's other ways." Jihoon felt himself tense. Yeah, like he was going to take advice from a kid who happened to be the sole reason he was heartbroken.

"I deal with my feelings however I want to. Plus, I doubt you've ever had your heart broken,  _Jinyoung."_ The look in Jinyoung's eyes suddenly changed. He shoved Jihoon forward and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.


	8. The Fake

Two days after he had been released, Jihoon was contacted by Minhyun for a special assignment. If he were to be honest, Jihoon was more scared than curious but at this point he really had nothing to lose. He met with Minhyun in the latter's office, which was adjacent to Jinyoung's. The room was smaller than Jinyoung's, but the general layout was the same. Yet, Minhyun's somehow felt warmer, possibly because Jihoon hadn't nearly lost his life there or because Minhyun greeted him with a smile rather than Jinyoung's steely glare. Despite Minhyun's kind demeanour, Jihoon was still apprehensive about this special assignment. 

"Jihoon, I hope you know that you're the first person I trusted with this assignment, and quite possibly the only one. That being said, if you don't want to go through with it then I can take your place."

"What is it?"

"You're aware of the Yakuza, correct?" Jihoon nodded, everyone was aware of the Japanese mafia. "Well, they have a new leader and he wants to meet with Jinyoung. Takada Kenta is his name. The only problem is, Jinyoung hasn't left his office in days, no matter what we try. And trust me when I say we've tried everything. But, Kenta wants to meet in two days' time."

"What does this have to do with me?"

"We need a fake Jinyoung. They don't know what he looks like, only his age and that he was born in Korea. You're closest in age to him, and you don't speak with an accent like Guanlin does. Would you be willing to do it? You'd be going in alone, unfortunately. Though communication wouldn't be an issue, I've heard that Kenta speaks Korean quite well." Jihoon thought. _Fake Jinyoung?_ He couldn't in one million years act with the cruelty and hot and cold attitude that Jinyoung did, despite his acting background. But, from how Minhyun explained it, the Yakuza did not know much about Jinyoung. His options were clear and simple, either him or Minhyun. He wasn't sure anything would function properly without Minhyun, so he really only had one option. He nodded.

"There is, of course, a few risks, though they probably won't happen unless you piss off Kenta or fuck up. They could kidnap you, and at that point they would probably try to get information from you through torture. Under those circumstances you are not to tell them anything about Guanlin and Daehwi, they've been trying to get into our labs for years. Especially keep quiet about Daehwi's condition. If you do get kidnapped, I will find a way to get you out. The other risk is them finding out you're not Jinyoung and killing you on the spot. Are you still okay with that?" Jihoon nodded. If it was going to be him or Minhyun that died, he'd sooner give up his own life in the place of the older's. Minhyun's face changed from serious to grateful. 

"Great, thank you so much. The meeting should only last an hour or two, though I don't know what it's about. If it ends up being about something you don't know much about, then make something up. Though, I'm assuming its about drugs of some sort, which is a topic you should be well educated in." Jihoon felt the sting of the last part. He moved to leave, but stopped once he remembered Jinyoung's request. He turned back to Minhyun.

"Thank you, Minhyun. For taking me to the hospital. You quite literally saved my life." Before Minhyun responded, Jihoon walked out of the office and back to his room.

-

It was the day of the meeting. Strangely enough, Jihoon found himself calm rather than nervous. He taped the recorder into his jacket, a desperate attempt to convince himself that he was still here for the same reasons as a month and a half ago. He was about to leave, but hesitated for a minute when his hand touched the doorknob. He ran to his bag and shoved the bottle of pills into his pocket, a pang of guilt gripping his heart. He couldn't figure out the reason, his promise to Woojin being voided after what had happened between them, and no promise to Jinyoung being made despite the younger's desperate tears. Jihoon suppressed the guilt. If the worst did indeed happen, he would need these to cope. The late April sun was high in the sky, making such a tense day appear happy. Jihoon supposed that for most it was, that he was probably the only one in Seoul risking his life today. He met Minhyun in the bar where they had met that first day, and was led to a car. It wasn't Minhyun's van. Instead, it was a large, black cube van that appeared to be armoured. Jihoon stepped inside and was met with Minhyun's solemn face. The two stayed silent for the duration of the trip. Jihoon's calmness disappeared, and was replaced by fear. They arrived at an abandoned apartment complex on the edge of the city. Jihoon thought that if you were to kill or kidnap someone, here would be the best place to do so. Before Jihoon stepped out of the vehicle, Minhyun grabbed his arm, stopping him. 

"Stay safe. For me, and for... for Jinyoung." Jihoon nodded and stepped outside. Why would Jinyoung care about his safety? The last time the two had talked, the younger stormed out on him and now refused to come out of his office. Jihoon watched the dark van pull away. Now, he truly was alone. He got a better look at the apartment building. It was dark, and tall. Most of the windows were shot out. The lack of lights made it eerie. It appeared as if it had been unused for years. Maybe he really was walking into his death. Jihoon walked up to the old double doors. He had to use his entire body to jam one open, tearing his jacket sleeve in the process. He turned on the recorder and walked in.

The first floor was relatively empty, save for a staircase in one corner and a table in the middle. A group of men in dark suits stood around the table, their eyes shaded by equally dark sunglasses. A young man sat at the table, Jihoon assumed it was Kenta. He looked innocent - like a puppy - but then again, so did Guanlin. Looks were quite deceiving in this world. Jihoon sat down in the empty chair he assumed was for him and folded his hands in his lap. Kenta spoke to him.

" _You're_ Bae Jinyoung?" Jihoon could hear the amusement in his voice. "I expected someone intimidating, not some kid who looks like he'd cry if you pinch him too hard." The words were like a slap to the face. If he were Jihoon he would have stayed silent. But today he wasn't Jihoon, he was Bae Jinyoung. He tried his best at mimicking Jinyoung's sadistic smirk, the corners of his mouth turning upwards and his eyes narrowing. He raised his eyes from the floor and rested his elbows on the table, chin in his hands.

"Well  _Kenta_ , looks can be quite deceiving." He skipped using honourifics of any form, he was Jinyoung and you could slap Jinyoung in the face with respect and he'd still walk all over you. Kenta gave him a questioning look, as if doubting his credibility. Jihoon, however, had come prepared. He pulled something out of his pocket, switching open the blade and loudly stabbing it into the table in front of him. He knew Jinyoung preferred to work with a switchblade, so he opted for his own knife over a gun. He leaned forward, not breaking eye contact with Kenta.

"And I can show you just how deceiving they can be." He saw fear flash in Kenta's eyes, feeling a wave of satisfaction at his success.

"Enough of your petty threats. We are here to discuss business. Tell me about your members. I'm afraid I don't know much about San Sung Pa." Kenta's Korean was quite good, as Minhyun had described, but Jihoon still heard his accent on certain words.

"I'm the only member that matters."

"Really? Because I heard the San Sung Pa got rich off of drugs. You can't be the only one behind that. Tell me about your labs."

"I don't work there."

"But you work with them, those two chemists. What were their names again? Lee Daehwi and Lai Guanlin?" Jihoon froze, momentarily dropping character. He remembered Minhyun's warning. He quickly re-assumed Jinyoung's nonchalant attitude toward things like this. He shrugged and sat back in his chair.

"I don't work in the labs, so I don't work with them. I don't know anything about them."

"I heard you were quite close with Daehwi when you were younger."

"When we were younger. Not now."

"Why not now?"

"Tell me Kenta, are you close with your childhood best friend?" Or does he hate what you've become?" Jihoon knew he had pushed a button. He knew as soon as Kenta grabbed him by the collar and punched him. Jihoon spat on the floor in response, his saliva tainted red. He grabbed his own weapon and held it dangerously close to Kenta's face, the tip just barely touching his skin.

"Nice hit, but if you do it again I'll be forced to go through with my threat from earlier. And I wouldn't want to ruin your pretty face." Kenta was practically fuming now, which is how Jinyoung would have wanted it. Jihoon felt proud of himself. It happened quick, but Jihoon was quicker. Kenta moved to hit him again, and Jihoon let the weight of the knife drag his hand downwards, a red line painting itself onto Kenta's cheek. He ran for the door but was intercepted and thrown to the ground by some of Kenta's guards. They kicked him in the sides and Jihoon was sure they had broken a rib or two. Kenta called for them to stop and Jihoon heard footsteps on the concrete floor. Kenta soon stood above him, the blood from his wound dripping onto Jihoon's face. Jihoon spat at his feet. Kenta kicked him in the side and hissed something in Japanese at him, presumably some sort of profanity. Jihoon felt a crunch and knew that bones had broken. Without breaking eye contact, Kenta commanded his guards.

"Gas him." Jihoon saw one pull out a remote of some sort, all of them covering their faces with their hands. Jihoon moved to do the same but his hand was subsequently met with the heel of a show, shattering the bones. Jihoon shouted in pain as gas filled the room, everything around him going black.

 -

Minhyun paced back and forth in Jinyoung's office. It had been three hours, Jihoon should have returned by now. Jinyoung spun around in his chair, he hadn't said anything the entire time. Jihoon had either been kidnapped or killed, Minhyun was waiting on a ransom note or a letter mocking San Sung Pa. Jinyoung eventually piped up.

"Why do you care so much Minhyun? It's not like he's Seongwoo or anything." The younger continued spinning. Minhyun winced at the words. Jinyoung knew that Seongwoo was a sensitive topic for him.

"I care because he's our member. I care because you care about him. And if your heart says the same thing that your eyes do, you'd care too instead of spinning about like that." Jinyoung rolled his eyes. It was only in times of distress that he decided to act like a teenager. A sharp knock caused Minhyun to jump. He answered it and was handed a letter. It was the deciding letter. He tore it open and drank in the contents with his eyes. It was a ransom note, for 125 billion won. Minhyun sighed, it was a large number even for the mafia. 

"What's it say?" Jinyoung wondered.

"It's a ransom. I'll find a way to pay it. But no matter what, no matter how much you want him back, do not go after him." Jinyoung stared, wide-eyed, at Minhyun's back as he left the room.


	9. The Lie

They say that when your eyesight is taken away, your other senses become heightened. Jihoon found this out under very unfortunate circumstances.

When he came to, he couldn't see anything. A pressure around his head told him that he was only blindfolded and not actually blind, which relieved his stress only slightly. He was sitting in a chair, tight restraints were around his ankles and wrists. The pain in his side reminded him of his potentially broken rib. He tried to wiggle the fingers of his hand that had been crushed, but there was no response. He tried to shake off the blindfold, but it was tied too tightly and doing so only made his head hurt. He felt hazy, probably an aftereffect from the gas they had used to knock him out. When he moved he heard pieces of the recorder fall onto the floor; it had been smashed on impact when he was kicked. From the sounds the pieces made, the floor seemed to be cement. The coldness of the chair told him it was metal. Everything seemed cold and unforgiving. Every sound echoed in the room, even the silence was deafening. He found himself longing for the warmth of his bed - not at his apartment, but the one at the hotel. He wasn't sure if he had been here for minutes or days. It felt like forever. Jihoon heard footsteps on the floor and froze, his breathing quick and shallow. The footsteps stopped in front of him and he felt a blade pierce his bad hand (his bad hand before he ended up here, right where Jinyoung's knife had originally pierced). The assailant twisted the blade back and forth and Jihoon bit back a yell. He felt the hot tears roll down his cheeks as the blade ripped at his skin. It was the first warmth he had felt since coming here, the warmth of his own blood and tears. He felt a hand under his chin. Kenta's voice seemed much louder, bouncing off of every surface in the echoey room. 

"Look at this, you're crying. Aren't so tough now, are you Jinyoung?" Jihoon laughed but was cut off when Kenta sharply punched him in the side. 

"The thing is Kenta, I'm not actually Jinyoung. They sent a fake and you were _stupid_ enough to fall for it." In Jihoon's mind, he was dead from the moment he had been kidnapped. Might as well do some damage while he could, right? Plus, he didn't particularly like Kenta and found it entertaining that he was so easily angered. Maybe Jinyoung was rubbing off on him. He felt the knife dig deeper into his hand.

"If you're not Jinyoung then who the _hell_ are you?" Kenta growled. When Jihoon didn't immediately answer, Kenta struck him across the face. He could taste blood in his mouth. Again, Jihoon figured that he had absolutely nothing left to lose at this point. 

"I'm Park Jihoon, and there's no way in hell that I'll _ever_ tell you anything you want to know." At this point, Jihoon could feel Kenta's breath, which meant that he was close. _If this is it,_ Jihoon thought, _might as well go out with a bang._ He gathered the blood in his mouth and spat at Kenta (or at least where he thought Kenta was). He felt some of it trickle down his chin and onto his shirt, but judging by Kenta's sudden jerk backward, he had hit his target. He soon heard the hum of electricity. Jihoon felt a sharp pain as the shocks coursed through his body and momentarily paralyzed him before everything went dark. It really did hurt more when your eyesight was taken away.

-

_The one year anniversary of his father's death also happened to be Jihoon's 17th birthday. It was a conflicting time for him, was he to celebrate or was he to mourn? Mourn his father's meaningless death, even if he harboured bitterness toward him for dying in the way that he did? Or celebrate the fact that he was still alive; that San Sung Pa hadn't come for his life as well? This conflict caused him to lock himself in his room during the days leading up to his birthday._

_After his father had died, Woojin's family had taken Jihoon in. It was during this time that Jihoon developed feelings for his friend. Little did he know that years later those feelings would be torn to shreds by a certain Bae Jinyoung. About seven months after the Park family had taken Jihoon in, he and their son had become an item. Through Woojin, Jihoon was able to find someone to confide in during his darkest moments._

_Their relationship had its ups and downs, Woojin had a lot of energy and Jihoon was often pulled into things that he didn't particularly want to do. One of these things being an outing on the night of his 17th birthday. Woojin had recently found himself and Jihoon fake IDs and insisted that they visit a bar to celebrate Jihoon's birthday. Despite Jihoon's initial protests, he ended up going._

_The bar was loud and the neon lights pierced his eyes. The smell of alcohol and sweat permeated the air. Jihoon could not take a step without getting jostled, thankfully Woojin knew his way around and led Jihoon to the bar. Woojin ordered something extravagant while Jihoon got some cheap beers. He quickly drank them, the alcohol burning his throat. Eventually, the alcohol clouded his mind and dulled the very thoughts that had barred him from wanting to go along with Woojin's plan in the first place. It was on this night as well that Jihoon found out that he could not hold his alcohol._

_After vomiting up the entire contents of his stomach, Jihoon leaned against a wall. He watched the crowd dance in somewhat of a trance. What Jihoon loosely called dancing was more just swaying to the music in an off tempo and too close fashion. Soon someone was beside Jihoon, pressing something into his hand and telling him something before walking away._

_"You look like you're having a bad time. Try this." Jihoon stared at the pill in his hand. He knew exactly what it was, but that didn't stop him from taking it. His world suddenly exploded; colours were brighter and sounds were louder._

_The passing of time was lost on Jihoon. Eventually, he ran into Woojin and was a giggling mess. The drugs amplified everything around him, including touch. Even when Woojin shook him in anger for getting high, all Jihoon could do was mumble incoherently about how nice his hands felt. Eventually, they ended up in a taxi, the city's nighttime lights burning into Jihoon's eyes. Luckily it was one of the many weekends that Woojin's parents were out of town._

_The next morning Woojin told him not to do that again. Jihoon called him an idiot. He had finally found something that made him feel happy. He wasn't letting anyone take that away from him._

_-_

So Kenta hadn't killed Jihoon, at least not yet. And he was still blindfolded. He thought that he should be hungry by now, but he felt nothing. He was only numb. His feet had started to lose feeling due to the tightness of the restraints. The scrape of another chair alerted him to the presence of another person, probably Kenta. His guess was confirmed when Kenta's voice rang out in the room.

"You know Park Jihoon, I expected Jinyoung to sleep around, but not with someone like _you_." Jihoon laughed dryly. If that's what Kenta wanted to believe, then Jihoon couldn't stop him. The words of the other didn't even bother Jihoon at this point, he knew that Kenta was just trying to annoy him into saying something mean so he had another excuse to hurt him. Kenta got up and started pacing. His footsteps grew louder, signifying his moving toward where Jihoon sat. Kenta stopped behind Jihoon and leaned down close, all too similar to when Jinyoung did the same at dinner that one night. Jihoon shivered at the memory. 

"You were pretty convincing as Jinyoung. You two are pretty close then, right? I think he's more than just a sheet warmer to you. You like him, don't you?" Jihoon tensed but didn't answer. Kenta continued taunting him. "Maybe you even love him? Either way, you care about him. How much? If I were to say, break into your precious hotel and steal your little boyfriend, would you tell me what I want to know?" Jihoon mustered his strength and headbutted Kenta in the cheek. He felt something hot and wet in his hair and hoped it was blood from when he had cut Kenta's face. 

"You fucking _wish_ that I liked Jinyoung. Too bad for you I hate him. It'll have to take more than that to get me to say anything to _you._ " Jihoon tried to sound strong, but the waver in his voice told otherwise. 

"Too bad for you, you're a _terrible_ liar." Jihoon heard the flick of a lighter and smelt gasoline burning. Soon there was a concentrated heat on his neck, just under his jaw. He felt his skin blister as the heat remained. "What if I stole away your precious Jinyoung and did this to him? If I burnt him and shocked him and hurt him like I'm hurting you? Picture it lover boy, if that happened would you tell me then?" Jihoon jerked forward and bit Kenta's hand. The lighter clattered to the floor and Kenta ripped his hand away. Jihoon had managed to bite hard enough to draw blood. The pain in his neck was worse than when he had been stabbed. If he had anything in his stomach he would have vomited. He had indeed thought of Jinyoung going through what he had, and it made him angrier than he expected. He was still feeling conflicting emotions about Jinyoung, but somehow the thought of him in Jihoon's place was unbearable. He heard Kenta mutter some insults at him in Japanese before he blacked out.

-

Jihoon sat in a circular room with bright red walls. The ceiling was high and black, just like the floor. There were no windows and no doors, Jihoon could be glued to the ceiling for all he knew. He assumed it was the floor because his hair and clothes sat normally, if he had been upside down they would be all over the place. He sat alone, in the middle of the floor in this large, red room. He could hear his heart beating. He could feel his blood coursing through his veins. He could hear air moving around him. He couldn't move. It was sensory hell, but why he was here was beyond him. Maybe it was his consciousness. Maybe he had finally died. He suddenly felt a pressure on his back, followed by the rise and fall of someone breathing. He synced his breathing with theirs and closed his eyes. The person leaned their head back onto Jihoon's shoulder.

"Hi sweetheart." A familiar voice caused a slight smile to dance across Jihoon's lips. 

"Hi Jinyoung. I miss you."

"I miss you too." The sudden affection surprised Jihoon, but he would take what he could get. Jihoon slid his hand along the floor and grabbed Jinyoung's hand behind him. He too leaned his head back onto Jinyoung's shoulder. 

"Jinyoung, do you know where this is?" 

"It's somewhere. I don't know where."

"Maybe it's hell and we've finally died. Or maybe I've gone insane. Who knows?"

"Who knows indeed." Jihoon let a calm silence fall over them, the only sounds being his heartbeat and their breath. Jinyoung turned and gently kissed Jihoon on the cheek. Jihoon smiled slightly and kept his eyes closed.

"You're not Jinyoung, are you?"

"You're right, I'm not."

"Then who are you?" Jihoon felt a sharp but brief pain in his side. He felt his own blood begin to spill out. He heard the drips splash onto the floor, breaking the calm silence. Just before the numbness consumed him, he heard Jinyoung's solemn voice.

"I'm your downfall."


	10. The Seventh Day

Without Jihoon around, Jinyoung became stressed. Stressed, and lonely. Just when Minhyun had thought he would leave his office, he locked himself inside yet again. This time, he wouldn't come out nor would he let anyone come in. He blamed himself, for the fact that Jihoon was kidnapped. He knew it was because he had locked himself away. He knew he was the reason Jihoon was going through hell, and it tore him apart. He even resorted to sleeping in his office. Something about Jihoon’s absence seemed to put his world on pause; it was as if he couldn't move forward without the other around. Minhyun noticed this change in Jinyoung, and he did whatever he could to comfort him. From reassuring him with words to giving him updates on the 125 billion won ransom, Minhyun had tried everything in his ability to ease Jinyoung’s worry. Yet, none of it worked. In fact, it was as if his attempts at comfort made Jinyoung shut down even more than he already had. It was as if he had become a ghost, a shell of his former self. He was Bae Jinyoung but he wasn't _Bae Jinyoung._

When Jinyoung emerged from his office for the first time in days, he was a sight to behold - and not in a good way. His eyes looked like those of a raccoon, and his cheekbones were prominent due to the fact that he had been eating the only bare minimum for about a week. The intention of his adventure into the hallways of the hotel was to visit the hospital, he had been experiencing migraines for the past two days. Whenever someone saw him in the corridors, they opened their mouth to speak but shut it as soon as they saw his eyes. The one soul brave enough to speak to him that day was Jisung.

”Jinyoung, I see you ventured out today. What are you up to?” It was an innocent question, yet Jinyoung still shot him daggers with his eyes.

”Headache.” Jinyoung tried to continue to the hospital, but Jisung’s hand on his arm stopped him.

”Staying locked in your office won’t bring him back any sooner. In fact, it’ll probably slow down the whole process. Minhyun is at his breaking point trying to find ways to come up with money. At least come out and help him a little bit, everyone will be a bit more motivated if they actually see you trying.” Jinyoung shrugged him off and continued walking, but he caught Jisung’s shout from behind him before he turned the corner.

”Jinyoung, why does it even bug you so much that he’s gone? Is it because you kissed him that one time? Don’t give me that look, of course I figured it out. Your lip tint was all over his mouth.” Jinyoung shot Jisung one of his best glares and continued on his way to the hospital. Jisung sighed in defeat and went to find Sungwoon. Kids would be kids, but Jinyoung only chose to be a kid at the most inconvenient times.

-

After his brief interlude with Jisung, Jinyoung made an honest effort to help Minhyun. But it all felt worthless. It had been four days, and there was barely any progress made. For one of South Korea’s most notorious mafia, it seemed pathetic. All the while, Jisung’s words rang in his ears. Why _did_ he care so much? It wasn’t as if Jihoon was anything special to him. It wasn’t as if Jihoon was Daehwi. Yet Jinyoung knew he was lying to himself. Of course Jihoon was special to him, or else he wouldn’t feel this empty without him.

Similarly to Jihoon, Jinyoung was plagued by his own fair share of nightmares. He hadn’t had dreams like these since the accident. In fact, he hadn't really had dreams at all since the accident. Even after four years, he still blamed himself. It may not have been directly his fault, but if he had been more diligent, it wouldn't have happened. It was his own personal error that stole his best friend from him. If only he hadn't turned his back.

Jinyoung jolted awake. He had fallen asleep on his office floor again, lights on and fully clothed. His head was pounding and he located the culprit, a half-empty bottle of wine on his desk. He slowly rose to his feet with some difficulty and stumbled into the hallway, almost breaking a vase in the process. He didn't have a destination in mind, he was just letting his feet take him wherever. The alcohol still clouded his mind, as it had for the past three nights. At one point he thought he heard Jihoon’s voice, but it was just his mind playing tricks on him. He leaned against the wall to stop the hallway from spinning and didn't notice that he was crying until the tears stained the carpet beneath him. Once the floor seemed fairly stable (though his vision still spun slightly), he continued on his way. It was strange, being drunk and wandering the hallways at night. Jinyoung was used to running into members in the halls, even during the later hours. He supposed his moods had exhausted everyone else, and they were avoiding him lest he ventured out of his office at night. The hallways were empty; a bitter symbolism of Jinyoung himself. He found himself at a door, forgetting how or why he was there. He knew what door it was though, it was one he had passed many times at night, always too nervous to go in. He opened it and snuck in, Jihoon’s scent overwhelming him. He didn't know why he had felt the need to come to the other’s room in the dead of night, but once there he felt calmer. Even if Jihoon wasn't there, remnants of him were. He could be dead, for all Jinyoung knew. This room could be all that was left of him. Jinyoung staggered to the bed in the darkness, flopping down on it when he got there. He curled up and closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing. He didn't notice it at the time, but there was a faint screaming coming from the basement. When he remembered in the morning, he would elect to find out what it was. He would wonder why Jihoon hadn't told him about it before.

-

Jihoon was violently brought back to reality. How long had he been out this time? Hours? Days? The hunger pangs in his stomach told him at least a day. His hand was bleeding again, the cause of his awakening being another stabbing. He noticed the breeze in his hair and wondered if he had finally reached his breaking point. From what he had deciphered, he was in a room with no air movement. A sudden light blinded him, and he squeezed his eyes shut. After blinking a few times, he was finally able to open his eyelids, even if only slightly. His eyes had been covered for so long, that the removal of the blindfold was like staring directly into the sun. Once his eyes focused, he realized why there was a breeze in his hair. The chair he was strapped to was hanging off the edge of a broken window, six stories above. A fall from this height would surely kill him. A shaky voice from behind him spoke.

”Will you answer my questions now? If not then I can easily push you off this ledge.” There was underlying desperation in Kenta’s voice, but one wouldn't notice it unless they were listening for it, and Jihoon was doing exactly that. Every time Kenta spoke to him he had been listening for it, so he could find the other’s breaking point. And it looked like he had finally made some progress. If Jihoon was good at one thing, it was being stubborn. Maybe that’s why Minhyun had chosen him to be Jinyoung’s stand-in. Kenta tightened his grip on Jihoon’s chair and jerked him forward slightly. Jihoon laughed. Had Kenta not figured it out yet? He wasn't giving up any of the information. He may be a disappointment to Minhyun for getting captured, but he wasn't going to fail this mission. Even if it killed him, his mouth would stay sealed.

”Then push me, because there’s no way I’ll ever tell you anything.” Kenta huffed and dragged Jihoon back inside. Jihoon laughed again and was quickly knocked out by a sharp blow to the head.

When he awoke next, his eyes were covered again. A hand was under his chin, aggressively lifting his head and causing him to bite his tongue. The blood dripped down his chin and onto the wrist of whoever was holding him. Something cold was suddenly pressed against his lips. Jihoon lightly bit down on it. It felt like glass, or more accurately, _a_ glass. The glass was also tilted upwards and a cool liquid was poured into his mouth. It tasted like water, but these days Jihoon couldn't trust even water to be water.

”Swallow. It's just water.” An unknown voice whispered to him. Jihoon obeyed. The voice didn't sound mean or cold or accented like Kenta’s, it sounded desperate. Maybe someone was trying to help him. He let the cold water pour into he mouth. Soon, his senses exploded. _Shit,_ he thought, _it’s laced._ He had forgotten he took his pills with him, of course Kenta would use those against him. The bottle must have fallen out of his pocket and Kenta had found it, dissolving some pills in water. He was trying to inhibit Jihoon’s mind until he spilled. A good plan on Kenta’s part, but bound to fail. Jihoon’s blindfold was ripped off, revealing Kenta and an unknown woman. So that’s why Jihoon hadn't recognized the voice.

”Poor kid, he’s high out of his mind. How many did you put in there, ane-san*?”

”Five.” Kenta turned to Jihoon.

”Now, can you tell me where you got these pills?” Jihoon giggled.

”From you.”

”Where were they before you got them from me?”

”Hmmm... my pocket. Yes.” Kenta was starting to get annoyed.

”Where were they before your pocket?”

”Can’t rememberrrrr.” Jihoon turned to the unknown woman. “Did anyone ever tell you how pretty you are?” Kenta sighed.

”He’s useless like this. Next time don’t use so many pills. He isn’t thinking straight.” With that, Kenta and the woman left Jihoon alone. He stared at the ceiling until he fell asleep, or passed out.

-

Jinyoung paced back and forth in his office. It had been six days since Jihoon had gone missing, and they had still barely made a dent in the 125 billion won ransom. Minhyun was at his wit’s end finding ways to get money, and Jinyoung was about to snap from worry. It hurt him to see Minhyun in this state because of him, and he wished he could help more. Alas, every time he tried to help, he only made things worse. Eventually, Minhyun barred him from even trying to help. So, he had taken to spending his days locked in his office, sometimes accompanied by a bottle of wine. He kept thinking back to the screaming he had heard that night he spent in Jihoon’s room. It could have been his mind playing tricks on him for all he knew, but part of him was _sure_ he had heard screaming. What spooked him the most about it, is that it had come from the basement. The only thing located in the basement was the old jail cells that hadn't been used for years. He imagined they were in extreme disrepair. Plus, only Minhyun, himself, Jisung, and Sungwoon knew how to get into the basement. Guanlin didn't know the key code and Daehwi couldn't remember it. Jinyoung had been meaning to check it out, but his mind was consumed with thoughts of Jihoon. He couldn't stand not being able to do anything.

On the evening of the seventh day, Minhyun knocked on Jinyoung’s door and was met with silence. Usually, Jinyoung answered with a sharp ”go away.” Minhyun tested the doorknob and was surprised that the door swung open.

”Jinyou-” Minhyun stopped when he noticed that Jinyoung was nowhere to be found.

-

Jinyoung stood and stared up at the old apartment complex. He had stolen Minhyun’s files and gotten the location that Jihoon had met the Yakuza at. And now he was here to meet them himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *means “older sister” in japanese, this is how women of the yakuza are referred to by men


	11. The Game

Kenta had just stormed out again, yet Jihoon heard footsteps on the concrete floor. Maybe _now_ he had finally lost it. It was probably a side effect of the multiple times he’d been drugged in an attempt to get information from him. The footsteps continued to sound throughout the room, and Jihoon stilled himself. If it were indeed a person, he would simply pretend to be asleep. Eventually, he felt a presence in front of him, meaning that it was indeed a person and not his imagination. He evened out his breathing, a skill he had honed over the past few days while pretending to sleep so he could listen in on Kenta’s conversations. He felt the restraints around his wrists and ankles go slack; they had been undone. Was someone rescuing him? Or had Kenta finally gotten fed up and decided to kill him? Probably the latter. A hand came up to his blindfold just as a door slammed open.

Jinyoung snapped his head around to identify the source of the noise. A figure stood in the doorway, appearing quite angry. Jinyoung guessed he was the source of the anger. He reached inside his jacket and put his hand on his gun, but hesitated to pull it out. He adjusted his face covering and turned towards whoever had interrupted his plan. The figure stalked towards him. He recognized him as Takada Kenta, from the pictures he had found in Minhyun’s files.

”Did Bae Jinyoung send you? How did you find this place?”

”No one sent me, and I found it of my own accord. Good enough for you? That’s nice, let’s get on with this then.” Jinyoung figured that Kenta had slight anger issues as soon as he slammed the door open with the force of a battering ram. What better than to anger him to the point where he couldn't control himself?

”What are you doing here?” Jinyoung nodded toward Jihoon.

”What is he doing here? Do you like to torture innocent people?” Kenta spat.

”Like hell he’s innocent. See this cut on my face? He did that.” Jinyoung slowly moved towards him.

”That’s nothing. You know that I could do much worse, right?” Kenta jabbed him in the stomach. Jinyoung momentarily doubled over in pain and was met by Kenta’s knee. He felt the unmistakable pain of bones breaking as the blood rushed out of his nose. Standing up, he wiped the blood with the back of his hand and flicked it onto Kenta’s face. Adjusting his disguise yet again, he pointed his gun at Kenta.

”Are you sure that was the right idea?” Jinyoung smiled at him, cocking his head to the side. When Jinyoung had walked in, he noticed the broken window. He advanced on Kenta until his gun was against the other’s chest, and began to push him towards the window. He waited to drop his smile until Kenta was on the edge of the window, his hands gripping the frame for support. Jinyoung moved the gun from Kenta’s chest to his left hand and pulled the trigger.

”That’s for breaking my nose.” Kenta now hung on with one hand. Jinyoung proceeded to shoot that hand as well, but grabbed his collar before he fell. ”And that, that was for taking my friend hostage.” Kenta spat in his face.

”If he’s a friend of yours then of course Jinyoung sent you. No one in their right mind would be friends with a useless mafia member unless they were part of that mafia themselves.” Jinyoung jerked Kenta towards him so that they were almost touching. He tossed the gun behind him and used his free hand to pull the covering off of his face.

”No, Jinyoung didn't send me. You can't send yourself somewhere, now can you?” He let go of Kenta and watched as he hit the ground below. Jihoon, surprisingly, had remained silent throughout everything.

Whoever it was that had come to Jihoon’s aid sounded vaguely like Jinyoung. Jihoon doubted it was him though, Jinyoung didn't ever use a gun. The person had to be from the mafia at least, since he had referred to Jihoon as his friend. Jihoon felt a presence in front of him again, and the hand slipped his blindfold off. It took Jihoon’s eyes a moment to adjust, but he quickly registered the face of the person in front of him. Bae Jinyoung, in all his glory, grinning like an idiot with blood pouring out of his nose.

”J-jinyoung? Why did you come?”

”To save you, sweetheart.”

”You’re hurt.”

”So are you.” Jinyoung placed a hand on Jihoon’s and Jihoon winced in pain. Jinyoung quickly withdrew his hand and settled for another method of helping Jihoon to his feet. He shoved his shoulder under Jihoon’s arm and together they stood. Jinyoung started towards the exit but Jihoon stopped him.

”Did you really kill him?” Jinyoung nodded. ”Can I see?”

”Are you sure?” Jihoon stared him directly in the eyes and told him that he was sure. Jinyoung led him over to the window and kept an arm around him as he peered out. Kenta had been reduced to a mangled mess below, a result of the six-story fall.

”Give me the gun.”

”Wh-”

”Give it to me.” The hardness of Jihoon’s tone halted any further protest from Jinyoung.

”Can you stand?” Jihoon nodded. He leaned against the wall as Jinyoung retrieved the gun, placing it in Jihoon’s hands despite his wince from earlier. Jihoon staggered over to the edge, Jinyoung’s arm around his waist to steady him. Each time he pulled the trigger, pain shot through his hands. He shot a total of seven times, Jinyoung’s suggestion for one shot for each day he was held captive. _One week,_ he thought, _one whole week._ The tears rolled down his cheeks as he let go of the gun, watching it drop six stories below. Jinyoung said nothing and simply led him out of the building.

-

Jihoon awoke in the uncomfortable hospital bed yet again. This time though, Jinyoung was nowhere to be seen and it wasn't the middle of the night. Instead, it was midday and a chubby-cheeked doctor sat in the chair by his bed. Jihoon remembered him as Dr. Kim, his doctor during his previous two visits. He sighed and looked like he had less than pleasant news for Jihoon.

”How bad is it?”

”Well, you’ve been out for a few days. You weren't exactly starved, but you were only given the bare minimum in terms of food, so it’s understandable that you would be feeling weak or exhausted. As for your injuries... the bones in your left hand had been broken quite badly, but thankfully we could repair and cast them. Your right hand suffered another bout of stabbing as you know, and due to your previous injuries, the nerves ended up sustaining more damage as they were still in the process of healing. We've concluded that those nerves damaged will never be 100% repaired, but with physiotherapy, they can be restored to about 90% functionality. Luckily only the beginnings of an infection were prevalent and we were able to put a stop to it. You also have one broken rib, and unfortunately, we can't put a cast on that. It will probably take about 6 weeks to heal on its own. Be careful not to damage it further. I’ll give you a list of things to do and things not to do to ensure a speedy recovery. That’s all.” Dr. Kim got up to leave.

”Wait,” the doctor paused at the door and turned to look back at Jihoon, ”what about Jinyoung?”

”A simple broken nose. The bone wasn't even displaced, and he was in and out in one day. No need to worry.” Dr. Kim smiled a tight-lipped smile at Jihoon and left. Jihoon breathed a sigh of relief. At least Jinyoung hadn't gotten hurt too badly.

Jihoon spent a few more days in the hospital to ensure that his infection didn't return and that his rib was aligned correctly for proper healing. To his disappointment, Jinyoung didn't visit him. He wanted to at least thank him for saving his life.

The reason Jinyoung hadn't visited Jihoon is that Minhyun had grounded him as punishment for breaking into his office and going into a dangerous situation even after Minhyun had instructed him not to. Jinyoung wasn't allowed to visit the hospital, or leave his room for that matter, until Jihoon was released. When that did happen, Jinyoung was determined to be the first to visit him.

When Jihoon was released, he was never more thankful that the hotel was five stars and had nice beds. When he arrived back at his room, the bedding was messed up as if someone had slept in it recently. Strange, he remembered making the bed before he left. Maybe he was remembering wrong. He didn't dwell on it for too long and flopped down onto the bed, burying his face in the comforter. He inhaled and was met with a different scent than usual, the comforter smelled vaguely of cinnamon. _Jinyoung?_ he wondered. He soon pushed the thought out of his head. There was no way Jinyoung would sleep in his room, he was probably just imagining things.

Despite all the times Jihoon had been told he was safe, he couldn't help but be fearful. He quite literally slept with a gun under his pillow. Every sound when he was alone caused him to jump, even the sounds of his own footsteps echoing in the hallways. The darkness made it worse. Currently, he was on his way to visit Jinyoung’s office. Hopefully the younger was there, Jihoon had yet to see him even after being released from for a day. He wanted to thank him, and after learning that it was Jinyoung’s birthday on his last day in the hospital, he wanted to wish him a happy birthday even if it was a day late. He pushed the door to the office open with his elbow and peeked inside. Jinyoung nodded at him to come inside.

”Thank you for saving me, it really does mean-” Jihoon was cut off when Jinyoung was suddenly in front of him, a hand under his chin. Jihoon peered up at him, trying and failing to read his expression. Why was this boy such a mystery?

”It was my pleasure.” Jinyoung’s eyes wandered to Jihoon’s cast. He gently lifted and examined it. ”Why isn't it signed by anyone?” Jihoon was truly shocked. The Jinyoung he knew was mature and intimidating, not the type to sign a cast.

”How old are you? The last time I checked, 19-year-olds didn't sign casts.” Jihoon had intended the words to be insulting, but Jinyoung only laughed and pulled a red pen out of his pocket. He quickly signed Jihoon’s cast and framed it with a heart when he was done. Jihoon didn't bother to check what he wrote.

”There, that's your birthday gift. Happy late birthday, by the way.”

”Thanks. You should go rest now, isn't your rib broken? Your bed is nicer than mine anyway.”

”So you DID sleep in my bed!” Jihoon called out as Jinyoung shut the door in his face. He huffed and made his way back to his room.

Jihoon curled up on his bed, the moonlight filtering through the window and casting a soft but faint light over the room. He brought his cast up to his line of vision and stared at Jinyoung’s signature. ”Your sweetheart,” it read, encircled in a heart shape. He sighed and clutched the cast to his chest. If this was the game that Bae Jinyoung wanted to play, then Jihoon would play along. But, somewhere along the line, it becomes hard to differentiate the game from the real.


	12. The Beginning of the End

_After Sungwoon had intercepted Seongwoo during his escape, Seongwoo was dragged into an alleyway and never seen again. Everyone assumed that he was dead, and considering the hell he was in, he would prefer that was the case. Instead of stabbing him or snapping his neck, Sungwoon knocked him out and stuffed his unconscious body into a duffel bag._

_When Seongwoo woke up, he was in a dark cell. Sungwoon stood on the other side of the bars, knife in hand and a terrifying grin plastered across his face._

-

It was one of Sungwoon's nightly "visits" to the basement. Seongwoo cowered in the corner of his cell, waiting to see what Sungwoon would do to him tonight. Maybe tonight he would finally kill Seongwoo. Alas, tonight was one of the rare nights that Sungwoon chose only to speak. He paused his pacing and looked toward a terrified Seongwoo, the dark lighting making him look like the ruler of Hell. He rested his arms on the horizontal bars of the cell and stared at Seongwoo, seemingly in thought.

"You know, Seongwoo, there was a code when we joined. Do you remember what it was?" Seongwoo didn't move a muscle. "It was that the three stars on our arms bound us to this mafia until death. Now, I don't remember you getting that tattoo removed, and since you're still alive, you're still bound to San Sung Pa. Just like you were when you tried to leave. So why?" he kicked the bars, startling Seongwoo, "Why did you try to leave? Why did you fucking _abandon_ me? And you thought that half-assed apology would do? What happened to being in this together?" It always came back to this, Seongwoo's supposed betrayal. Knowing Sungwoon since childhood, Seongwoo knew that he probably did genuinely feel that way, if he was the same Sungwoon as before.

"What would you even do if you escaped? No one would want to hire you when they saw your tattoo. Who in their right mind would want anything to do with the mafia? The only place you were of any use is this hotel, and you tried to throw it all away. You tried to throw _me_ away." Seongwoo could hear the anger rising in Seongwoo's tone. Eventually, he would bubble over and explode, which was when he was his worst.

_BANG!_

Sungwoon's body crumpled to the floor, his blood flowing onto the concrete floor. It looked black in the dark. Seongwoo stayed where he was, and peeled his eyes off Sungwoon's body. He looked to where Sungwoon had been standing and saw Jinyoung a metre back, holding a smoking gun in both hands and looking like a deer in headlights. His eyes watched the river of blood gather and form a small puddle on the floor. He hadn't noticed Seongwoo yet.

"Shit..." His voice was soft, as if just realizing the weight of his actions. Seongwoo shifted in place and Jinyoung looked over at him. "S-seongwoo?" he walked towards the bars and peered through, "Is that you?" Seongwoo moved forward so the light hit his face more. "Holy shit... you're still alive? Let's get you to the hospital." Jinyoung moved to shoot the lock on the cell, but Seongwoo stopped him. Jinyoung looked back at him, confusion evident in his face. Seongwoo nodded towards the gun and his voice came out rough.

"Please..." Jinyoung looked from the gun to Seongwoo.

"I'm not shooting you, there's no reason to do that."

"Jinyoung, please," Seongwoo's voice broke as he began to cry, "you heard him. I'm bound by these stars until I die. I don't want to come back. I left to escape, and my mind hasn't changed. Please." Jinyoung stared at him with a solemn look on his face, his hands shaking and tears forming in his eyes. He raised the gun, still shaking, and brought his other hand up to steady it. He pulled the trigger and the recoil caused him to drop the gun. Seongwoo's body fell back, and the metallic scent of the blood grew stronger. Jinyoung turned and ran faster than he'd ever run before.

-

Jinyoung sprinted up the stairs and threw the door open, almost hitting Guanlin. In a blind panic, he bolted forwards but Guanlin grabbed him before he could go any further. Jinyoung froze, his breathing fast and heavy, as Guanlin pulled him close. They both stayed silent until Jinyoung stopped hyperventilating. Once his breathing had slowed down, Guanlin addressed the elephant in the room.

"I heard gunshots, so I came. What happened?" Jinyoung's voice shook as he answered.

"S-sungwoon and Seongwoo... I shot them."

"Hold on, Seongwoo? Didn't he die months ago?"

"I thought that, but Sungwoon had him in the old cells. I heard screaming down there and decided to check it out. He looked so bad, Guanlin. I can't believe it was happening right in front of me too." Jinyoung sighed, his breath still shaky

"Jinyoung, run away with me." Jinyoung started at Gunalin's suggestion.

"What?"

"Run away with me. I know how to deal with these kinds of things."

"What do you mean? You've never killed anyone before."

"I almost have. It was Daehwi." Jinyoung tried to push away but Guanlin leaned down and whispered to him. "The accident." Jinyoung felt as if his world had crashed down around him. Was Guanlin trying to say that he had caused the accident that almost killed Daehwi? Now that Jinyoung thought about it, it made sense. Guanlin hadn't been directly affected by it, but he was never the same afterwards. He had gotten quieter and more fearful, as if he was avoiding something. _As if he was avoiding getting caught._ Guanlin choked on his own blood as Jinyoung's knife plunged into his chest. He coughed red onto Jinyoung's shoulder before he fell to the ground. Jinyoung stared at him before running off down the hallway.

-

Jihoon awoke to the sounds of gunshots. The clock read 3:41 AM. He looked around, panicking, but no one was in his room. The gunshots sounded like they had come from nearby, possibly outside the window. He got up and looked outside, but nothing was there. He played it off as the remnants of a too-real nightmare again, but he didn't remember dreaming. Laying down, he tried to drift off to sleep despite his growing uneasiness. About 30 minutes later he heard a soft knocking at the door. He sat up and stared at it, unsure if he had really heard knocking. He stared until it happened again and quietly got out of the bed. He silently padded over to the door and opened it inwards slightly, just enough so he could peek out. Jinyoung stood at his door, crying. Jihoon opened the door fully and pulled Jinyoung into his arms. The smell of alcohol was all over him, and he wore a striped long sleeve shirt and pyjama bottoms. As he sobbed into Jihoon's chest, the latter couldn't help but think that he looked like a child, save for the blood all over his shoulder. Jihoon tasted a mixture of wine and tears as Jinyoung kissed him. The force with which Jinyoung kissed him almost caused Jihoon to fall over and Jihoon would have kissed him back the same had Jinyoung not broken away and ended the kiss as fast as he had initiated it. Jihoon looked at his face, he was still crying.

"Why are you crying?"

"Jihoon," it was the first time Jinyoung had called him by his name and not 'Park' or 'sweetheart', "they're all dead. I killed them all."

"Who?" That explained the gunshots, but two gunshots weren't enough to kill everyone in the building.

"Sungwoon, Seongwoo, a-and Guanlin." His voice broke when he said Guanlin's name. Jihoon knew how important Sungwoon and Guanlin were to the mafia, but he had no idea who Seongwoo was. He decided that now wasn't the time for questions. Jihoon sat Jinyoung on the bed and sat across from him. Once Jinyoung was calm enough to talk, Jihoon asked him the only thing he could.

"Why did you kill them?"

"Sungwoon was torturing someone in the basement. It was happening right underneath us and I didn't realize. Seongwoo was the man who stayed in this room before you, and Sungwoon's victim. I killed him because he couldn't stand to live anymore. And Guanlin," Jinyoung's voice caught in his throat, "I thought he was my friend. I thought I could trust him. Then, he told me that he caused the accident. I don't know what I was thinking, but I stabbed him. I stabbed him and ran." Silence hung between the two after Jinyoung's confession. After a while, he whispered, possibly to himself. "Kenta was the first person I ever killed. Now I have the blood of three others on my hands." He started to cry again and Jihoon held his face in his hands, wiping his tears with his thumbs. He let Jinyoung fall into him again as he slid his hand under the pillow. Jinyoung felt the cold metal against the side of his head. He looked up at Jihoon with pleading eyes.

"Jihoon..?"

Jihoon pulled the trigger.

Game over.


	13. The Past

The gun clicked in Jihoon’s hand. He pulled the trigger again, and was met with the same clicking noise. The gun was empty. As soon as Jihoon pulled the trigger the first time, he regretted it. He wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if he killed Jinyoung in such a vulnerable moment, and a sick twist of fate made it so he didn’t. Except, Jinyoung would probably kill him now. Jinyoung’s hand was warm as he wrapped it around Jihoon’s wrist, and Jihoon shut his eyes and braced himself to feel the bones get crushed. Jinyoung squeezed hard enough that Jihoon released the gun, but not enough to cause damage. Jihoon blinked his eyes open and was met with an almost peaceful look from Jinyoung.

”I knew, Jihoon. I knew.” His voice was halfway between a whisper and regular speaking. Jihoon had thought his plan was foolproof, but apparently, he had underestimated Jinyoung.

”H-how..?”

”When you left your phone in my office that one time, you got a text that read ’did you kill him yet?’, and I figured that if you were to kill anyone, it would be me. Looks like I was right, huh?” he laughed dryly and Jihoon opened his mouth to protest, but Jinyoung cut him off. ”It’s okay, I’m not mad. I was wondering when you would try,” he started to cry again, and Jihoon wondered how much he drank to make him this emotional, ”and to be honest, part of me wished you would hurry up.” During his entire recollection, Jinyoung refused to make eye contact. He still avoided Jihoon’s eyes, even after he was finished talking.

”If you knew all this time, then why am I still alive?”

”I made a promise, years ago, that I would never kill anyone myself.”

”To who?”

”To Daehwi. He doesn't remember it though.”

”Didn’t you break your promise to kill Kenta? And everyone else?” Jinyoung nodded.

”I broke it for you.” And then, it wasn't a game anymore.

-

_When Jinyoung’s mother died, he became an orphan at the age of four. When Jinyoung nearly died, he became a mafia member at the age of five. A young boy named Daehwi came across Jinyoung after he had gotten thrown out of the orphanage with no food, the intent being to have him starve. Daehwi felt sorry for Jinyoung, and his father agreed to take him in. Jinyoung was thankful for their compassion but at the time he wasn't aware that Daehwi’s father was the leader of San Sung Pa._

_At the age of 11, Jinyoung had his first crush. Daehwi was like platinum, he shone. He was kind, he was everything Jinyoung wasn't. Yet they balanced each other out. It was a perfect harmony. During the days, Daehwi would go to school. He was an honours student, chemistry being his favourite subject. While Daehwi was at school, Jinyoung learnt about the ins and outs of the mafia. It was decided that he would be the next leader, so he wouldn't be attending school anymore. He didn't want to anyways._

_Jinyoung heard that they were getting a new member, a Taiwanese prodigy who would eventually work with Daehwi in the lab. When Jinyoung was 14 and Daehwi was 13, they each got the tattoos that bound them to the mafia. Quickly after, Guanlin officially joined and Daehwi was pulled from school so he could learn more about the type of work he would be doing for the mafia. Jinyoung watched all this happen from afar, sneaking into the lab to spend time with Daehwi. His heart still fluttered whenever he was around the younger boy. Everyone who didn't know them thought that they were dating and everyone who did know them placed bets on when they would start dating. The two spent as much time together as possible. Daehwi never wanted Jinyoung to become a mafia boss, and constantly tried to convince him to pass the role onto Minhyun or Jisung. Jinyoung always told Daehwi he’d be fine, that he’d protect them both. This was one of the rare times that he didn't give in to Daehwi’s requests._

_”Jinyoung, promise me you won’t ever kill anyone. Please?”_

_”I promise, and I promise to stay by your side forever.”_

_At the age of 15, Jinyoung’s world was torn apart._  

_ 

Jihoon’s eyes met Jinyoung’s.

”There’s one other promise I made years ago, after the accident. I promised myself I would never fall in love again.” Jinyoung leaned his head against Jihoon’s chest. 

”Have you broken that one too?” 

”I don’t know yet.”

_

_Jinyoung leaned on one of the cool, metal counters in the lab. He had snuck in yet again to watch Daehwi work. Jinyoung knew absolutely nothing about chemistry, but Daehwi loved it so Jinyoung made his best efforts to understand it at least a little bit. Guanlin was nowhere to be seen, so it was just the two of them alone in the lab._

_”Jinyoung, could you get some mercury for me, please?”_

_”Which one is that?”_

_”Silver liquid, should be labelled ’Hg’. Watch out, it's heavy.” Jinyoung noted that and looked around for a silver liquid labelled ’Hg’. He found it on a shelf and stood on his tiptoes to get it down. Daehwi wasn’t kidding when he said it was heavy, if not for the lid the sheer weight of it vs Jinyoung’s minimal upper body strength would have caused a major spill. He walked over and set it down beside Daehwi with a thud._

_”Be careful, that stuff’s dangerous if you spill it.” Jinyoung looked over at Daehwi’s workstation. He had two clear beakers, one labelled ’HNO3’ and the other ’ethanol’. The HNO3 one was bigger. Jinyoung shivered, for some reason, Daehwi had the temperature in the lab quite low that day._

_”What are you making?” Jinyoung wondered aloud._

_”Mercury fulminate, or in non-scientific terms, a highly sensitive explosive. Which is why **you** need to be more careful.” Daehwi poked Jinyoung’s chest and lightly pushed him away. He turned back to his work and uncapped the mercury. He slowly poured it into the nitric acid and stirred it, dissolving it. Once the mercury was dissolved and the acid settled, he poured in some of the ethanol. He backed away from the beaker, careful not to disturb it. Suddenly the temperature rose. Probably the thermostat acting up, but Jinyoung was thankful for the warm air. _

_”Ah, finally some warmth!” Jinyoung stretched and closed his eyes. When Daehwi didn't respond, he opened one eye to see fear written all over his friend’s face. ”What’s wrong?”_

_”The reason I had it so cold in here is because fulminated mercury is sensitive to heat. Where the hell is the thermostat?!”_

_”Daehwi, can’t we just leave? We can repair the lab. Come o-”_

_”NO! No, I’m not blowing this place up.” Daehwi ran over to Jinyoung and shook him. ”Where the **hell** is the thermostat?”_

_”I-I don’t know. Daehwi, let’s just leave.”_

_”Shit! You can leave, but I’m staying until I find that thermostat.” Daehwi began to frantically run around the lab, desperately looking for the thermostat. Jinyoung too, looked near where he was. Though, Jinyoung’s search was unsuccessful. From across the lab, Daehwi cried in relief._

_”Found it!” he cranked the temperature downwards and walked back over towards Jinyoung. However, they were too late. As Daehwi walked by the beaker, Jinyoung noticed it begin to move. Daehwi froze and looked over at it. ”Oh no...”_

_”DAEHWI!” Jinyoung threw himself toward Daehwi, shoving him out of the way. Just before the contents of the beaker exploded, Jinyoung saw Daehwi hit his head on the counter, knocking him out cold. The acid ate through Jinyoung’s clothes and burnt his skin. He fell to his knees before passing out from pain. The bottle of mercury had fallen to the floor, shattering. It's contents had formed a pool right where Daehwi had fallen. Thankfully Minhyun had been walking towards the lab at the time of the explosion, and upon hearing it he rushed over and threw the door open. He was met with the lab in disarray, but more importantly the unconscious figures of Jinyoung and Daehwi. He called Jisung for help and pulled the two boys out of reach of the growing flames._

_Jinyoung woke up in the hospital. He tried to sit up but every inch of his body screamed in pain. The last thing he remembered was the lab blowing up with him and Daehwi in it. He looked around him and Daehwi was nowhere in sight, but a doctor was. He grabbed for the man and weakly pulled him._

_”Where the hell is Daehwi??” he practically growled. The doctor remained calm as he answered._

_”He’s alive. First I’d like to go over your condition before we get into his. You suffered chemical burns to the back, chest, legs, and arms. Luckily your face remained undamaged, but you will need to stay in our care for a few weeks.” Jinyoung didn't care about his petty burns. He needed to know what had happened to Daehwi._

_”And Daehwi?”_

_”He’s alive, but I'm afraid just barely. He's suffered from inorganic mercury poisoning and the symptoms can be quite severe. They include memory loss, mood swings, mental disturbances, and muscle weakness. He’s alive but he may not be the same Daehwi you knew before this.” Jinyoung felt numb. Daehwi was basically crazy now, and it was his fault. If he had just gotten them out of there instead of letting him look for the thermostat, if he hadn't shoved Daehwi so hard, then maybe they would both be safe. Then maybe he could have protected Daehwi._

-

”Jinyoung, what was the accident?” Jinyoung brought Jihoon’s hand to his back and slipped it under his shirt. Jihoon tried to pull away - now was _not_ the time to be getting touchy - but Jinyoung gripped his hand until he stopped resisting. Jinyoung flinched as Jihoon touched his skin. His back was littered with scars.

”Burn scars, from nitric acid. One day Daehwi and I were in the lab together, just the two of us. He was making an explosive and had the temperature low so it didn't explode, but somehow the temperature got turned up and caused it to explode. I pushed him out of the way and took most of the blow, and those scars are from acid and fire. He fell into a counter and got knocked out, and some mercury spilt and his skin absorbed it and it poisoned him. That's why he acts the way he does.”

”Did you ever find what caused the temperature to rise?”

”Yeah, the thermostat was tampered with. At the time we thought it was some random drug dealer that did it so I had him killed, but turns out it was Guanlin all this time.” Jinyoung sighed at the memory. Something clicked in Jihoon’s mind. That was why his father had died. It all made sense, timeline wise. He knew the explosion had happened four years ago, right around the time that his father had died. He couldn't find it within himself to hold a grudge anymore. Sure, he was still a little angry, but not enough to take Jinyoung’s life. Jinyoung suddenly stood up and took off his shirt, walking over to the wardrobe. Jihoon covered his eyes and looked down.

”What are you doing?!” Jihoon stole a glance at Jinyoung, the small lamp nearby illuminating the scars covering his back and arms.

”I'm covered in blood, I need to change my shirt. I’ll borrow one of yours.” Jihoon wasn't in a place to argue. After he had finished changing, Jinyoung sat down on the bed. He moved Jihoon’s hand away from his eyes. 

”I’ll sleep here tonight, okay?” Jihoon silently nodded in agreement. 

Jihoon awoke with a start for the second time that night. The clock read five in the morning. Early morning sunlight poured through the window. Jinyoung was beside him, still asleep. The light softened his features, making him look more innocent. Jihoon reached over and brushed some of his hair out of his eyes as he leaned closer. The movement caused Jinyoung to stir and he sleepily opened his eyes.

”If you wanted a kiss, sweetheart, you could've just waited until morning.” He grinned and rolled onto his side, quickly falling back asleep. 

When Jihoon awoke at a proper time the next morning, Jinyoung had disappeared from his room, leaving behind only the scent of cinnamon and wine (and his bloodstained shirt).

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 1000 hits!


	14. The Truth

Minhyun, too, was awoken by the gunshots. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and rushed to the first floor. Alas, he was too late and was met with a bloodied Guanlin and an equally bloodied carpet and felt his stomach drop. Before investigating further, he took a moment to suppress his horrification at the sight. Guanlin was just a kid, to see him have his life ripped away from him reminded him all too much of a certain accident from years prior. Once he had stilled his shaking hands and was sure his tears wouldn't fall, he ventured closer to the bloody scene. Crouching down, he dislodged Jinyoung’s knife from Guanlin’s chest. Hovering his hand over the boy’s mouth the check for breathing, he stabbed the bloody weapon into the wall. He felt nothing against his hand and fell back against the wall in defeat. Why would Jinyoung do this? Minhyun knew he had a strict policy of not directly taking anyone's life, so stabbing someone in the chest - a friend nonetheless - was extremely out of character for him. If Jinyoung was responsible for the mess in front of him now, then it was likely he was responsible for whatever mess awaited him in the basement. The door was wide open, beckoning him to investigate further. After attempting to wrap his head around Jinyoung killing Guanlin, he heaved himself to his feet and tentatively ventured down the old staircase. Once Minhyun reached the bottom of the staircase, the metallic scent of blood assaulted his nose. Part of him didn't want to go further, but he knew he had to. The scene in front of him was enough to make his head hurt. The amount of blood was astounding, not to mention the stench of it. He slowly and reluctantly shuffled toward what looked like (and probably was) another body. He approached from behind, crouching down and doing his best not to touch the still fresh blood. Minhyun put his hand on the person’s shoulder, flipping them over. The dark lighting and blood streaming down his face made his features hard to make out, but Minhyun knew Sungwoon’s red hair anywhere. He just never expected it to be matted with his own blood. Looking away from Sungwoon, Minhyun noticed a stream of blood coming from inside one of the cells. He was so lost in his own mind that he didn't notice it earlier, too absorbed in the fact that two of their most important members were dead. He slowly approached the bars, peering into the dark cell in hopes to identify the third victim. The darkness within hindered his vision, meaning he had to go inside the cell. He unhooked the keys from the wall and shakily attempted to insert them into the rusty lock. Once he had finally done so, he let out the breath he was holding and turned the key. The cell door swung open with a creak, the silence of the room amplifying the already loud noise. Minhyun decided it was now or never, using the faint light from outside the cell to navigate. As he neared the left side of the cell, opposite the door, he tripped over something warm. Using his hands to break his fall, he felt the skin tear as they collided with the rough floor. Much like the sounds of the door and his footsteps, Minhyun’s fear was amplified as he edged closer to the third body. He squeezed his eyes shut and flipped over the body. Blinking open his eyes, his breath came out in a quiet gasp as he registered Seongwoo’s face. Shock and despair overwhelmed him, manifesting as broken sobs that echoed throughout the empty basement. He brought his knees to his chest and buried his face in them, tears staining his pants. 

“I’m sorry,” he said through tears, “I’m sorry Seongwoo. I’m sorry I couldn't save you.” He leaned over and brushed the hair out of Seongwoo’s eyes, his fingers smearing blood across his forehead. “I loved you, you know. I would’ve run away with you if you had asked. Maybe then it wouldn’t have turned out the way it did.” He smiled ruefully and stood up, tears still flowing. Making his way out of the basement, he sidestepped both Sungwoon and Guanlin. There was only one person he trusted to help him deal with the aftermath of Jinyoung’s supposed killing spree. By the time he had reached the fifth floor his tears had stopped, but he still felt the weakness of shock throughout his body - all the way down to his still shaking hands. Jisung came to the door before Minhyun could knock, taking in Minhyun’s tear stained cheeks, dull eyes, and bloody hand. 

“What, did you kill somebody? Were those the gunshots I heard?” Minhyun laughed, but there was no emotion behind it, nor did his eyes light up like usual. 

“You wish it was me. I think Jinyoung did.” Jisung furrowed his brows and tilted his head to the side, his eyes full of doubt. 

“Jinyoung doesn’t use a gun though.”

“It was in the basement, who else has access to it besides him and us?”

“Sungwoon?”

“He’s dead, along with Guanlin and S-seongwoo.” Minhyun’s voice caught on Seongwoo’s name and tears threatened to spill again. Jisung leaned against the door, eyes wide in shock and eyebrows furrowed again. 

“Isn’t Seongwoo..?” He didn’t have to say ‘dead’ for Minhyun to understand. 

“He is now, but apparently not before. I think the only one who knows what happened down there is Jinyoung, and I doubt he’ll tell us right away.” Jisung nodded in agreement, both men thinking back to his silence after the accident with Daehwi. 

“Have you spoken to him yet?”

“No, I will in the morning. Chances are he’s drunk or crying or both.” Being Jinyoung’s bodyguard, Minhyun knew about his coping mechanisms when he got upset. He also knew that Jinyoung was probably in some state of shock currently, even worse than his own. 

“Well, considering we’re both awake, would you care showing me this mess?” Jisung’s voice seemed nonchalant, but his eyes were glassy and fearful. He and Sungwoon had been partners, growing closer after years of working with each other. Minhyun imagined that Jisung was feeling the same hurt, despair, and shock that he was feeling. 

“Yeah, let’s go.” Both wore sombre expressions as they made their way towards the basement doors. 

-

A few days later, Minhyun sharply knocked on Jinyoung’s office door. Jinyoung had been ignoring him since that night and Minhyun was fed up with him. He knocked a total of three separate times - each with increasing annoyance - until Jinyoung answered. When he finally did, his eye bags and messy hair made him look ghastly. He tried to close the door on Minhyun, but Minhyun’s hand shot out and he pushed his way into the office. Jinyoung lowered his gaze in shame and backed up until he could sit on the desk. The curtains were drawn and the lights turned off, making the room dim and hindering Minhyun’s vision. He flicked on the light switch, causing Jinyoung to jump in surprise; as if he’d been burnt. By the unusual paleness of his skin, one could say that he looked like a vampire who burnt in the lights. Minhyun looked over at him and he averted his eyes, choosing instead to observe one of the pens on his desk. 

“Jinyoung.” Minhyun softened his voice, trying not to let his annoyance show. When Jinyoung refused to look at him, he used a sterner approach. “Jinyoung, look at me.” When he did, Minhyun felt like he had been stabbed with anguish. Jinyoung’s eyes looked dead, full of tears but no life. In all the years they had known each other, Minhyun had never seen him look vulnerable. Yet the Jinyoung that sat in front of him looked so fragile, like one touch would shatter him. And it did. When Minhyun hugged him, Jinyoung cried like he had never cried before. It was heartbreaking for Minhyun, to see someone so hardened by the cruelty of his life break down like that. Minhyun held Jinyoung until his sobs faded into shaky breaths, remaining passive and silent the entire time. 

“Jinyoung,” he whispered, “why kill them? What happened?” The younger boy pulled away from Minhyun’s embrace, hiding his face in his hands. His body shook as he silently cried. When he looked up, Minhyun was taken aback again. He looked like he had a cold, and Minhyun suppressed his laughter at the sight. It wasn’t right to laugh in the moment and he knew that, but Jinyoung was as red as a lobster. He kept his expression neutral, inviting Jinyoung to explain himself.

“I heard screaming down in the basement, and I decided to check it out. I don’t know why I took a gun, I was scared by the situation. I mean, who wouldn’t be? That basement was out of use for years, why would someone be down there?” Minhyun momentarily interrupted him. 

“When did you hear the screaming? I never heard anything.”

“I think it only happened at night, which is when I heard it. I spent a night sleeping in Jihoon’s room, and that's when. I finally thought to check it out, and when I got there I was shocked. That gut dropping feeling, you know?” Minhyun nodded, knowing the feeling all too well from that exact same night. “Anyways, when I went down there, I saw Sungwoon. He seemed to be talking to someone, threatening them. The way he spoke, he sounded crazy. Something overcame me, and I just shot him.” Jinyoung closed his eyes and calmed his breathing, trying to stop himself from crying before continuing. “I don’t know why I did it. It just happened. Then Seongwoo… I tried to save him, I really did. But he begged me Minhyun, he begged me to shoot him. He said something about being bound to San Sung Pa until he died, that he didn’t want that. I shot him, even though he was innocent. Even though I could have saved him.” This time, he broke again. Minhyun watched silently, half too uncomfortable and half too shocked to move from where he stood. “I’m sorry,” Jinyoung choked out, “I’m sorry Minhyun. I know you cared about him.” Minhyun was angry, yes, but not at Jinyoung. He wasn't fully sure what he was angry at, yet his blood still boiled. “After I killed them both, I didn’t know what to do. So I ran, like a coward. When I ran out the door, Guanlin was there. He told me to run away with him. He told me that he caused the accident, and something clicked in me. It all made sense, how he was acting afterwards. It was like he was hiding from something or someone. I got the same feeling again, it was like something took over my body and I stabbed him. I should have gone to you after, but I ran. I ran and I spilled all my problems to Jihoon.” Jinyoung had stopped crying by then, and he weakly shrugged his shoulders. “He probably hates me by now, if he ever stopped. He wanted to kill me, did you know that? And part of me,” he laughed dryly, without emotion, “part of me wishes that he did.”

-

Jihoon was overwhelmed, to say the least. It was like the shock had punched him, winding him. He slid down the door to Jinyoung’s office until he sat on the floor; feeling like he had crumbled. Jinyoung thought he hated him. It was a fair assumption on his part, but the indirect accusation dug into Jihoon like the knife when Jinyoung had stabbed him. Something had changed in him that night, he had seen a whole new side of Jinyoung. Something about learning someone’s deepest secrets changed how you saw them. After that night, there was no way he could bring himself to hate Jinyoung, and he was determined to prove it.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the delay! only a few more chapters to go!


	15. The Last Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”Baby love me, love tastes like honey.” - Longguo & Shihyun, Love Taste

There was something enchanting about the stars on a clear night, Jihoon thought. The cool night air filled his lungs, refreshing him after spending the day indoors. There was something peaceful about the river at night, hearing the waves crash against the shore put Jihoon in somewhat of a trance. As he watched the stars flicker, he thought back to the person he was only two months ago. So many things had changed in such a short span of time, yet one thing remained: His wish to see the stars the night of his 20th birthday. The Jihoon from two months ago would have begged Woojin to come with him, but now he was content with being alone. May 29th, 10:45 pm. Jihoon wanted the last bit of his birthday to be peaceful, a stark contrast from last year, when a surprise party held in his honour stretched into the early hours of the morning of May 30th. He knelt down in front of the bench he was sitting on and gathered a handful of rocks, the wounds in his mobile hand aching with the movement. He made his way down to the riverside and began skipping rocks, each toss like a regret he was throwing away. One, for joining the mafia. Two, for kissing Jinyoung. Three, for saving his life. One stone for each star inked onto his arm. One stone for each thing he no longer hated himself for. Returning from the shore, he sat in front of the singular metal bench used for watching the river. Sighing in contentment and letting the breeze relax him, he tipped his head back and fell asleep. 

-

Jihoon again sat in the red room, with the dark ceiling and floor and lack of windows. Jinyoung sat behind him, their backs pressed together and hands intertwined. Jihoon felt his blood pumping out of his side, but no sense of urgency to stop it. He seemed to have an endless supply of it, so he wasn't too worried. He was numb, but only physically. He could feel and hear everything around him, even the air moving. 

“My downfall, you say? What makes you say that?”

“A lot of things.”

“Care to elaborate?” Jinyoung fell silent again, a bad habit of his when asked questions. Jihoon started to get irritated, but stayed silent and let Jinyoung think. Shifting his position, he heard more blood splatter to the floor, echoing throughout the room. The weight of the air seemed to be crushing, suffocating Jihoon but he didn't mind. The air may be hot and heavy but in this room, it was all he had. Bracing himself for Jinyoung’s response, he started at the ceiling until his eyes closed on their own. 

“I miss you, Jinyoung.”

“I miss you too. A lot.” Jihoon felt a warmth grow in his chest. 

“Even if you are my downfall, I’m willing to let you rip me apart and put me back together. As long as it’s with you.”

“Be careful saying things like that.” Suddenly, the pressure against Jihoon’s back disappeared. His own laughter echoed throughout the room before his head slammed against the floor, knocking him out. 

-

Jihoon felt a presence hovering above him. As the scent of cinnamon filled his mind, he smiled and fluttered his eyes open. Jinyoung was hanging over him, his hair dangerously close to tickling Jihoon’s face. 

“Hi there, sweetheart.” Jinyoung grinned like a child talking to his crush. With much effort and a grunt of pain, Jihoon hoisted himself onto the bench. Jinyoung got the hint and gracefully leapt over the back of the bench, landing perfectly beside Jihoon. Jihoon resisted the urge to lay his head in Jinyoung's lap, fearing that it would damage his rib further. The two sat in the calming silence, watching the stars sparkle and dance in the night sky. Jinyoung placed his arm around Jihoon’s shoulders, but quickly withdrew it upon seeing Jihoon wince in pain. Jihoon caught his hand and pulled his arm back over his shoulders, leaning into his touch and savouring the rare affection. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered, leaning his head onto Jinyoung’s shoulder and breathing in his scent. They sat like that for what felt like forever, Jihoon not wanting the moment to ever end.

“It’s your birthday, isn’t it?” Jihoon nodded. “Happy birthday, Jihoonie.” He smiled at the mention of his name from Jinyoung’s lips, his smooth, honey-like voice the only one he wanted to call him affectionately. 

“I always wanted to see the stars on my 20th birthday, but for years I pictured it being with Woojin. I thought I would have to drag him out to the river with me, but look where I am now.” He paused his monologue to giggle shyly, “I never expected to be watching the stars with Seoul’s most dangerous mafia boss, yet here I am. And you know what? I don’t regret any of the things that brought me to this moment. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Jihoon’s words hung in the air, neither wanted to address the fact that he basically confessed all his feelings for Jinyoung. They sat in the awkward silence, both avoiding eye contact with each other. Jinyoung continued to watch the stars while Jihoon nervously played with his hands. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get you a gift. Maybe next year.” Underneath Jinyoung’s apologetic tone, there was hope.  _ Next year.  _ Meaning, there would be a next year for them. There would be a future for  _ them,  _ together. 

“There’s still time.”

“Really? At 11:00 pm?” Jihoon nodded without hesitation. 

“There’s one thing I really want, and I think you can give it to me.”

“What is it?” Jinyoung’s voice was filled with disbelief, and Jihoon pictured his expression was too. He mustered all his strength, all his emotions from the past two months, all his loneliness, sadness, pain, and most of all, trust. He fuelled all of those feelings behind two words, the two words that had subconsciously changed his life weeks ago. He looked Jinyoung dead in the eye, trying to communicate everything he felt for the younger boy. 

“Kiss me.”

When Jinyoung did, it was like Jihoon’s world exploded. Unlike the last time, Jinyoung tasted sweet against Jihoon’s lips, like the tea they had shared in the cafe. Sweet like honey, mixed with the spice of cinnamon. Jihoon didn’t think Jinyoung had it in him to be gentle, kissing him roughly and not caring if it hurt. His hands soon found a home on Jihoon’s waist, his touch threatening to unravel Jihoon completely. His broken rib screamed in pain at the sudden movements, but Jihoon dismissed it and pulled Jinyoung until their bodies were flush with each other. Jihoon didn't stop him, even when Jinyoung shoved his tongue in his mouth, even when his back was suddenly pressed against the cool metal of the bench. When Jinyoung did break away, Jihoon made no moves to hide his disappointment and made it known with a pout in Jinyoung’s direction. Jinyoung smirked at him as he pushed himself back into a sitting position. 

“You’re a fucking tease, Bae Jinyoung. You know that, right?”

“Shut up, you’re already injured. I don’t want to make it worse.” Jinyoung laughed, clear and bright, at the defeated look on Jihoon’s face before pulling him into a hug. 

“Happy birthdayJihoonie, and here’s to many more together.” Jihoon would be lying if he said his heart didn’t melt at the promise.  _ Together _ . He nodded into the crook of Jinyoung’s neck and let himself melt into the embrace. 

“You sure know how to play with my heart, don’t you?” 

“You’re quite easy to play with.”  _ Ever the flirt _ , Jihoon thought to himself. 

“Well, that’s because I-” Jihoon took a deep breath, preparing himself for what he was about to say, “Jinyoung, I-”

_ BANG! _

Jihoon felt a pain in his non-broken hand so great that it shot up the entirety of his arm. Jinyoung pulled in a sharp breath at the noise, audibly surprised. Jihoon stole a glance over Jinyoung’s shoulder, only to see a figure holding a smoking gun, backlit by the streetlight and unidentifiable by only his silhouette. Jihoon slowly removed his hand from Jinyoung’s back and brought it to his line of sight, shaking as he did. The light shone brightly through a clean bullet hole in his hand. He looked at where his hand had been on Jinyoung's back, dreading the worst as he saw a dark spot. He frantically pulled away from Jinyoung and felt the front of his shirt, only to be met with more blood.  _ Shit.  _ His voice shook as he screamed his throat raw for someone, anyone to help. 

“MINHYUN!!” He called for the one person he knew Jinyoung trusted most, praying that he would hear and come to their aid.

“Shit, oh my God, Jinyoung-” Jinyoung slumped forward, his breathing shallow and barely responsive. Jihoon turned to the figure. 

“Show yourself, bastard.” The figure moved towards the bench so that Jihoon could see his face.  _ Oh no. _

Woojin’s face was contorted into a twisted grin, demon-like in the dark.

“Why are you here?” Jihoon growled. Woojin laughed but it wasn’t his laugh, not the one Jihoon was used to. It was heartless. 

“Some Japanese organization contacted me, saying they needed a favour. And who was I to pass up the opportunity to kill Bae Jinyoung? Anything to help my  _ precious Hoonie. _ ” He spit the nickname out like it was poisonous. Jihoon was speechless. Of  _ course _ the yakuza would want revenge. “But don’t be fooled, Hoonie,” Woojin continued, his voice sickeningly sweet, “that gunshot is as much from me as it is from the yakuza.” Jihoon snapped. He shot his hand out, trying to wrestle the gun from Woojin’s grip and not caring about the ever-presentpain. However, due to nerve damage, he wasn’t fast enough and was met with the butt of the gun to his nose. He fell back and groaned in pain as blood trickled out of his nose and Jinyoung's limp figure crushed his rib. Rolling off the bench, he landed on the ground with a thud and scrambled to his feet, his nose filled with the metallic scent of his own blood. Woojin stalked around the bench and stood in front of Jihoon, dropping the gun.

“Might as well make it an even fight, yes?” Faster than lightning, he swung at Jihoon, his fist colliding with his side. Jihoon coughed in pain and doubled over, the hit catching him off guard. 

_ Man,  _ he thought,  _ some people really don’t know how to deal with heartbreak.  _

Woojin seemed to think Jihoon had given up when he fell to his knees, hesitating to throw another punch. Jihoon saw that hesitation and used it and the adrenaline pumping through his veins to his advantage, dive rolling forwards and taking Woojin’s legs out with his foot. Woojin hit the ground with a grunt and before he could get up, Jihoon kicked him so that he rolled down the slope towards the water. Jihoon watched, still processing what he had just done, as Woojin climbed to a standing position on the shoreline. Jihoon scrambled for the gun and pointed it at Woojin’s silhouette, firing three times, each one shooting pain throughout his entire body. 

_ One, two, three.  _

Head, chest, stomach. Three shots for three stars. He may be a liar and a fake, but he was still a member of San Sung Pa, bound by the tattoos whether he liked it or not. Woojin fell into the water with a splash, Jihoon shaking so hard the gun fell from his already weak grip. He scrambled over to where Jinyoung laid on the bench, tears clouding his vision. He frantically grabbed for Jinyoung’s hand, pulling it into his own shaking ones and pressing it against his lips. 

“Jinyoung, I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.” He started to feel light headed and the lights went dark. He slowly lost consciousness as sirens blared in the distance.

 


	16. The Aftermath: Your Downfall

The bell over the door rang as Jihoon entered, the familiar smell of cinnamon tea filling his nose. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent, reminiscing on memories from years ago. He made eye contact with Nayoung and they smiled at each other, the barista being promoted to manager of the cafe yet still never failing to remember Jihoon’s regular order. 

“Hi Jihoon,” she smiled warmly at him, “your regular order today?”

“Actually, could I get a double order?” Jihoon planned to visit Jinyoung that day, after not having visited in the past month. He did feel somewhat guilty, and hoped the gift would appease him. Nayoung nodded and got to work. 

“Two cinnamon teas with honey, coming right up!” Jihoon smiled with gratitude as he paid and chose a seat by the window, watching the traffic go by. His phone suddenly rang, snapping him out of his trance. He answered it and Minhyun’s warm voice flowed through the speakers. 

“Jihoon, where are you?” 

“I’m at the cafe, Minhyun, no need to worry.”

“You had me scared to death! Tell me where you’re going next time.”

“I’m an adult, I don’t need to be babysat.” It was a running joke between the two that Minhyun had become Jihoon’s babysitter after that night, with Minhyun being the one to help him deal with the aftermath the most. 

“You say that, yet my senses tell me otherwise.” Minhyun laughed into the receiver, causing Jihoon to smile to himself. “Are you going to visit Jinyoung?” 

“Yeah, I’m just picking up some tea. Making up for not visiting for a month, you know?”

“Yeah,” Minhyun’s response was quiet. 

“Anyways, how’s Daehwi doing?” After the incident on Jihoon’s birthday so many years ago, Daehwi’s condition had begun to decline. He was now in hospital full time, as he had been for the past two years, drifting in and out of consciousness.

“Worse. Doctor Kim says he probably won’t last the month.” It was expected that Daehwi would die young, though no one expected him to make it as far as he did. He was a miracle child, doctors said. But often miracles are too good to be true.

“All we can hope is that he goes peacefully.”

“Doctor Kim said he probably won’t be conscious for it anyways.” Jihoon could picture Minhyun’s expression, lips pressed into a thin line and gaze cast downward. 

“It’s a shame it’s happening when he’s so young. Live how he couldn’t, okay? Live for him, Minhyun.”

“What’s gotten into you? You never get this sentimental.”

“Just some advice-” he was cut off by Nayoung calling to him from the counter. 

“Jihoon, your order is ready!”

“Ah, there’s my order. Sorry to cut our conversation short.”

“That’s okay, see you soon.”

“Goodbye, Minhyun.” Jihoon hung up and stuffed his phone in his pocket, walking over to the counter. He gave Nayoung one last smile as he departed, hailing a cab as he did. 

-

_Jihoon woke up two weeks after his 20th birthday, in hospital. Memories of that night quickly flooded him, and his breathing grew shallow._ **_He had to get to Jinyoung._** _He tried to throw the blanket off and scramble out of bed, but a body suddenly stopped him._

_ “Jihoon, stay still!” The familiar voice calmed him and he ceased his struggling.  _

_ “Minhyun?” Jihoon peered into Minhyun’s eyes, their usual warmth replaced with red irritation, puffiness, and fear. His breathing was ragged as he hovered over Jihoon, pinning him to the hospital bed.  _

_ “Where’s Jinyoung?” Minhyun’s face fell, causing Jihoon’s stomach to twist into knots. He felt the tears welling in his eyes. “Is he dead?” _

_ “No,” relief flooded Jihoon and he relaxed slightly, “but he’s unresponsive.” Jihoon nodded, not knowing how to respond. After a moment of heavy silence, he asked Minhyun a question.  _

_ “Am I allowed to visit him?” _

_“No visitors allowed currently, plus you’re not allowed to leave your room yet. Do you remember what happened that night?” Jihoon nodded. Woojin shot Jinyoung, and he shot Woojin. He_ **_killed_** _Woojin. Minhyun sat back in his chair, looking deflated._

_ “Then, of course, you understand that there will be a trial? Normally Jinyoung arranges for a coverup, but that isn’t possible now. Along with that, someone in the area called the police before I could figure out what happened.” Jihoon stared at the wall, his eyes focusing on nothing in particular yet his mind repeating one word over and over again.  _ **_Trial, trial, trial._ ** _ He felt like the word had personally kicked him in the chest and winded him. After he managed to wrap his head around the fact that he would be tried as a murderer, he turned back to Minhyun and felt like a deer in the headlights under his gaze. Minhyun looked on the brink of tears, his eyes searching Jihoon’s face before eventually landing on his own. Jihoon never expected to see Minhyun look so defeated, like someone had taken all the joy in his life and replaced it with sorrow.  _

_ “Jihoon, I’m so sorry this had to happen to you. If only I had been there sooner, none of this would be happening.” The last thing Jihoon wanted was for Minhyun to blame himself - if anything, it was his fault. He reached out his hand to comfort Minhyun and promptly screamed, horrified at what he had seen. Where his right hand had been now remained a bandaged stump, old blood staining the end of the bandage. Minhyun’s head snapped up when Jihoon screamed, the younger boy looking like his eyes would pop out of his head as he stared at his missing hand. He started shaking violently, both speechless and breathless as he tried to come to terms with his loss.  _

_ “When you came to the hospital,” Minhyun began, unsure if Jihoon was registering his words, “your hand was shot clean through. After your previous injuries, the doctors decided that it wasn’t salvageable and that amputation was the best course of action.” He looked at Jihoon for confirmation that he had heard, but the younger had already passed out.  _

_ - _

_ After Jihoon had been released from the hospital, he met with Minhyun to discuss the trial. They sat across from each other in Jinyoung’s favourite cafe, the calm atmosphere a stark contrast to the turmoil within Jihoon. Minhyun refused to look him in the eyes, just as he had the past two times they had met here.  _

_ “I was able to find you a lawyer, she’s one of the best in Seo-” _

_ “Fire her.” _

_ “What?” _

_ “I said,” Jihoon’s voice was full of determination to the point that Minhyun appeared alarmed, “fire her.” _

_ “Why?” Minhyun was truly astonished, under the impression that Jihoon wanted to minimize his jail time as much as possible. _

_ “I don’t need to defend myself. I’ll plead guilty and take whatever sentence they give me.” _

_ “But-” Minhyun tried in vain to argue.  _

_ “Minhyun, it’s not worth it. Jinyoung’s still unresponsive. What, do you expect me to wait around until he dies? Then what?” _

_ “Doctor Kim says he’s looking better these days-” _

_ “He’s been saying that for weeks. Jinyoung was all I had left, and now he’s almost gone. I don’t have anything here for me anymore. Maybe it’s best I just rot away in a jail cell.” Jihoon had thought this through the night before, and nothing would change his mind. Tired of arguing, Minhyun threw his hands up in defeat.  _

_ “If that’s what you want, then I can’t stop you.” Jihoon watched his back as he left, his gaze never wavering until Minhyun disappeared into the crowd.  _

_ - _

_ Jihoon stood in front of the courtroom, staring into the sea of spectators yet not registering any of them. He was on trial for two accounts of murder, and one for drug trafficking. He planned to plead guilty to all of them. As the judge asked him how he would plead, his eyes met Minhyun’s within the crowd. He stopped scanning meaningless faces and matched Minhyun’s gaze.  _

_ “I plead guilty.” His voice rang clear and sure throughout the silent room. It was the surest he had been since that night.  _

_ He ended up getting six and a half years in prison, the sentence being slightly reduced because of his own plead and because he killed for self-defence. During those six and a half years, Minhyun tried to visit as much as he could, occasionally with Jisung or Daehwi in tow. Eventually, Daehwi stopped coming. Jihoon learnt that it was because he was in the hospital for his mercury poisoning, which had worsened. Along with Daehwi, updates on Jinyoung stopped coming as well. The last Jihoon had heard was that he was still unresponsive, but there was a chance he would wake up. Despite what rational part of him was left screaming at him that it was pointless, he held onto that hope. The hope that he would see Jinyoung again. The hope for them, for their future.  _

_ - _

The slight breeze ruffled Jihoon’s hair. Crouching down, he placed the drink tray on the ground so he could remove the cups. He placed one in front of Jinyoung and took one for himself, settling down and sitting next to Jinyoung. He could feel the coldness radiating off of him without touching him, something Jihoon had grown used to in the past year (he had been released from prison six months early, he assumed Minhyun and Jisung pulled the strings somehow). 

“Jinyoungie,” it was the first time he had built up the courage to call Jinyoung affectionately, “I miss you. A lot.” 

No response. 

“It’s not the same. I’m lonely. The doctors say Daehwi doesn’t have much time left, maybe a month. I’m sorry, I know you wanted to protect him. I’m also sorry I couldn’t visit for a month, I got caught up in life. But I’m here now.”

As usual, he was met with nothing. Tears began to track down his cheeks.

“How are you? Are you doing okay? I haven’t been doing okay. It’s hard. Do you know how difficult it is only having one hand? I’m sure I’ve told you before, but Minhyun has to do a lot of things for me. I’m pretty useless these days.”

He laughed, but the hot tears were still running down his cheeks and neck. 

“You know, Jinyoungie, there was one thing I wanted to say to you that night. It’s been on my mind all these years, but now feels like the right time. So, here goes,”

He took a deep breath. 

“Jinyoungie, I love you.”

Silence. 

“I love you a lot. I’ll always love you, even in Hell. It’s getting harder these days, I miss you a lot. I promise we’ll meet each other again, someday.” He dropped his head back and shouted into the sky, letting out all his frustrations. He wondered if Jinyoung could hear him. He stood up and brushed the grass off his pants, stealing one last look at Jinyoung. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the cold stone of Jinyoung’s grave and whispered a promise. 

“I’ll see you soon, sweetheart. Wait for me.” Standing up, he watched as a gust of wind carried away the drink tray. Smiling, he kept his eyes trained on it as he crossed the street. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is the epilogue!


	17. Epilogue: Minhyun

When he thought back on it, Jihoon reminded Minhyun of Seongwoo in more ways than one. Both had joined San Sung Pa for someone else, ill-fated to the life of a drug dealer. As well as their motivations, both died too soon in Minhyun’s opinion. Seongwoo because of Jinyoung, and Jihoon as well. In the weeks leading up to Jihoon’s death, he had begun to talk about how he wanted to see Jinyoung again, in a way that was different from just visiting his grave. When Minhyun received a call from Jihoon’s number saying he had been hit by a car, he knew it was no accident. Jihoon intended for it to happen.

-

Jihoon’s funeral was quite simple, held in a small church with a small attendance. Most of the attendees were former San Sung Pa members, the mafia having broken up after Jinyoung’s death and the members scattering. The only ones that had kept in contact were Minhyun, Jisung, Daehwi (when he was conscious), and Jihoon himself. Along with the former members, an older couple that Minhyun assumed were Jihoon’s adopted parents sat at the back of the room. After the ceremony had ended, Minhyun hung around to say his final goodbyes. He placed his hand on the lid of the casket and sighed, regretting not being there enough for Jihoon. Silent tears dripped down his face and onto the wooden surface, staining the lid shades darker in places. For the first time, Minhyun let himself feel upset over what had happened. He let himself break. Jisung poked his head in the doorway and noticed Minhyun, his heart breaking at seeing his friend look so vulnerable after staying strong for so long.

“Minhyun?” His voice echoed throughout the room, “We need to go.” Nodding, Minhyun attempted to compose himself without facing Jisung.

“Yeah, just a few more minutes so I can say goodbye.” Minhyun didn’t turn around, but Jisung’s retreating footsteps told him all he needed to know. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself before gathering his thoughts.

“Jihoon,” tears welled in his eyes again, “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you more. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. I hope wherever you are, you’re happy and you get to see Jinyoung again. Rest well.” He lingered for a moment longer before meeting with Jisung just outside the doors.

-

Minhyun’s shoes clicked on the tiled floor of the hospital, the cruel and cold sound all too familiar as he made his way to Daehwi’s room. He pushed open the door with a creak and slipped in, careful not to disturb Daehwi who was clearly asleep. There was already a chair near the bed so Minhyun settled into it and waited for Daehwi to wake up. The room was dim as usual - something Daehwi had been requesting for the past few months. As his weekly visitor, Minhyun didn't mind. In fact, something about the darkness of the room was calming - a stark contrast to the bright whites throughout the rest of the hospital. Minhyun’s eyelids begun to feel heavy in the dark - the monotone sound of the heart monitor beeping almost hypnotizing him - but he resisted the pull of sleep by opening the curtains to let daylight into the room. The sound of the curtains moving and the sudden light awoke Daehwi; when Minhyun looked over his eyes had already fluttered open. Sitting back down, Minhyun looked at Daehwi in silence as his mind woke up. Once he realized who was visiting, Daehwi fished for Minhyun’s hand and weakly gripped it with his own. Minhyun held tight, the shaking of Daehwi’s hand causing his own to shake as well.

“Minhyun…” Daehwi’s voice was barely a whisper, “the doctor said I don’t have much time left.” Minhyun pressed his lips together to stop himself from crying and nodded. When he arrived at the hospital, the nurses gave him a grave look. Watching the unsteady rise and fall of Daehwi’s chest, Minhyun remained silent - afraid he would break down if he tried to talk. Instead, he turned his attention to the heart monitor’s rhythmic pattern and listened to the accompanying beeps. They sat like this - hands intertwined - for a while before the silence was broken.

“Thank you Minhyun, for everything,” Daehwi whispered, eyes closed. His breath was quite laboured now, speaking was difficult for him.

“You’re welcome. Rest well.” Minhyun gave his hand one last squeeze before letting go, exiting the room and sending in the nurse that was waiting outside. As he left, he heard the steady beeps of the heart monitor end as Daehwi flatlined.

-

The glass door swung open as Minhyun entered the small cafe, feeling compelled to visit on his own. He hadn't been here since attempting to help Jihoon with his trial so many years ago, and those visits were brief at most. The tall barista waved and smiled warmly at him as he read the menus on the wall. Settling on his order, he paid and sat at one of the small tables while he waited. He tapped his foot on the wooden floor as he observed his surroundings. The cafe was calm - almost like he had entered a bubble of peace amidst the chaos of regular life. Seemingly unchanged since his last visit years prior, Minhyun half expected his phone to ring and have Jihoon’s voice pour through the speakers or see him push open the door. He hadn’t fully grasped that he was gone. The warm atmosphere was like a time capsule to Minhyun, and maybe that’s why Jihoon was always visiting. A quiet piano track filled his ears, almost putting him to sleep while he waited. The cafe seemed to be busier than whenever he passed it on his way home, and he was glad the small cafe was gaining popularity. In a way, it continued Jihoon and Jinyoung’s legacy. Since Minhyun didn’t come the the cafe often enough, he wasn’t quite sure what to expect when he got his order from the counter. As soon as he took a sip from the cinnamon tea, he realized why Jihoon loved this place so much. It was like Jinyoung was back beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for bearing with this mess of a story until the bitter end! it means a lot to me that you stuck with me despite my shortcomings and lack of knowledge as a writer! i hope i made a contribution to the winkdeep community that you can appreciate, mistakes and all!
> 
> and, i wouldnt be here without my lovely friends sana and ryan - thank you both for beta-ing and listening to my potential ideas  
> and especially wen - thank you for being the inspiration to this fic and i hope i did the mafia prompt justice!
> 
> heres your writer, signing off!
> 
> as usual, my twitter is @baejinist


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